The End
by kaz456
Summary: Cassie looks back on her past and sees how the almost inevitable finally happened when the Animorphs fell apart. [Final chapter.]
1. The End: beginning

_Looking back on it now, I guess you could say that we all forced this upon ourselves. But in order to understand why I am writing this, and leaving this letter to any who may find it, you need to know the whole story- Jake's story, Rachel's story, Tobias's story, Marco's story, Ax's story, and especially my story- from the beginning. And so, here it is:_

_I am sick of this war.  
_  
Those were the words that were running through my head as I sat in English class. I was staring out the window, entranced by the rain that was steadily and rhythmically pounding down, soaking everything.

I yawned. I was tired. We, as in the Animorphs, had had another late mission last night. So late that I hadn't gotten slept enough. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, added to my frazzled nerves, (I had just failed a quiz last period because I hadn't studied for it) that was making me think of how annoyed I was with this war.

Maybe it was more than that. We had all been feeling drained and weary from the secret war that we were fighting. The secret war that we had been fighting for almost three years. Tomorrow would mark the anniversary of the day that Marco, Rachel, Jake, Tobias, and I had received the morphing power from Prince Elfangor. Funny, but none of us were feeling very celebratory toward that fact.

"Cassie, are you paying attention?" My teacher glared at me.

I felt my cheeks turn hot as everyone in the class turned their eyes on me. "Yes ma'am," I muttered, embarrassed to be caught at my daydreaming.

Jake turned around discreetly to give me a little look. I didn't usually get reprimanded during class. Maybe he thought it was bad for security, or maybe he just wanted to tell me that he understood how I felt. It was most likely the former. I shrugged imperceptibly, and he gave me a rare, sympathetic smile. I was openly surprised to see it. It was maybe the first smile I'd seen on his face for a long time.

Strange that that little smile was enough to make me turn hot all over again. It's been almost three years since Jake and I joined in this undercover battle, and still neither of us has admitted our feelings to each other, save for an occasional kiss. I'm not even sure if we still do have feelings, let alone for each other.

To tell the truth, Jake and I hadn't kissed for a long time (not that we did it that often anyway). Rachel and I hadn't hung out together for the longest time either. It was starting to feel like the only thing I did with my friends was fight. This war had, and still was, slowly tearing all of us apart. Apart from our families, apart from our friends, and apart from each other.

As soon as Jake turned around and as soon as the teacher resumed her lecturing, I turned my attention to the window again. The rain was still streaming down, maybe even harder now. The rushing water cleansed the ground.

I watched the ground almost enviously. I needed to be cleansed. Maybe all of us Animorphs did. This war... had changed us in so many ways. It had changed me, personally. I knew that I wasn't the same person now that I had been three, even two years ago. I didn't...care as much as I used to. It scared me, what I was on my way to becoming.

The bell suddenly rang, signaling the end of the day and jarring me out of my thoughts. Everyone stood up to rush out of the classroom, loudly talking and laughing. Jake accidently-on-purpose knocked over the books on my desk. We both knelt down to pick them up, as planned.

"Meeting in the barn today," he whispered quietly, so no one else could hear. I nodded indiscernibly and muttered a "thanks." He stood up and continued walking. That was about all I said to Jake during school in a typical day. In the past, it would have been because we were watching our security, trying to make it seem to everyone else like we weren't too close. But now it was because there wasn't anything left to say. And even worse, as I watched Jake's retreating back, I realized that I had gotten used to there not being anything more to say. And that was the sad thing.

* * *

Later, we gathered in the barn for the meeting that Jake had told me about earlier. We were all in our customary positions; that, at least, had remained the same.

Marco sat on a bale of hay. Tobias was perched in the rafters. Ax was in human morph, leaning stiffly against a wall, while Jake paced around anxiously out of habit. Rachel was standing impatiently, waiting for the meeting to be over. And I, as usual, was carrying out with my feeding and caring for the various animals that are kept in our barn, aka wild animal clinic.

Everyone was in their usual spots, but it still felt...strange. I guess the plain truth of it was that we had all grown away from each other. So far away that it didn't seem possible for any one of us to come back. Jake had become the tired and depressed olf general. Marco was more sarcastic. His remarks were scathing and left a bruise on you. Rachel was... more Rachel. More beautiful, more dangerous, more exciting, more fearless, more fear-inducing. Tobias was lonesome, withdrawn, as was Ax. Both didn't talk much, but when Ax did, it was usually to produce a typical arrogant Andalite response. And me...well, I felt like I was less like myself then I had ever been before.

Do you see what I mean? We had all just...grown apart. We didn't meld together anymore. And now it was almost unbearable to be together unless we were fighting or something.

"Well? Why are we here?" Rachel finally asked. "I have way too much homework to do to be just sitting here."

"Oh, the great Rachel does her homework? I'm surprised. I would have thought that Xena could breeze by without doing any work." Marco said.

"Shut up, Marco," Rachel growled. She glared at him. "I'm not in the mood for any of your stupid jokes."

"Sorry," Marco sneered. "I forgot that no one's allowed to say anything to you unless you deem it okay. Otherwise, you might, you know, morph grizzly and kill us all. I'm surprised you haven't done so already."

"I'm surprised no one's killed you too, Marco. What is _up _with you? Do you just like getting on everyone's nerves or something?" Rachel snarled.

"Guys, shut up," Jake ordered wearily. "We're here for a reason other than to yell at each other."

"Ya think?" Marco muttered.

"Perhaps, Prince Jake, it would be best if we proceeded with the meeting? Ing?" Ax asked, in a voice as snippety as I've ever heard him.

Jake didn't even tell Ax not to call him prince. He seemed too tired to bother with it. "Alright," Jake sighed. "Might as well cut to the chase. Erek told me today that the Yeerks are holding a concert. A free concert for the public, introducing everyone to the Sharing. They're going to have a variety of local bands playing."

There was a silence in the barn. "So?" Marco asked.

Jake shrugged. And waited.

"Guys," I piped up, trying to force a fox to take a pill that would eventually help him. "Don't you see? This could be a huge blow for the Yeerks. They get everyone to come to this, and everyone suddenly begins to like the Sharing. And if everyone likes the Sharing, then more people will join it, and more people will become controllers." As I finished speaking, I shoved the pill violently into the fox's mouth.

Rachel nodded, agreeing with me. "We have got to get to this and shut it down. Fast and hard."

"Do not take offense, ense, ssuh, Rachel, but has there ever been a situation, shun, where you have not wanted to go in "fast and hard"?" Ax asked in a very-un-Ax-like- way.

"No," Rachel said very slowly. "Do you have a problem with that?"

I moved on to the next row of animals, ignoring the possible fight looming right in front of me.

"No, I have no problem. Em." Ax said, in a tone that clearly indicated that he did have a problem with it.

Marco watched me working. "What's the matter, Cassie? Aren't you gonna play peacemaker and stop this?" He gestured towards Ax and Rachel.

"It's good you have no problem. Cuz otherwise I might have to create one," Rachel was saying in a voice laced with anger.

"Is that a threat?" Ax demanded, for once not playing with sounds.

I looked up steadily into Marco's eyes. "No, I'm not going to stop them." I went back to checking on the cages. That, at least, seemed like a safe thing to do.

"Yes, it is a threat," Rachel said, her voice rising.

"Weak human," Ax sneered. "You cannot control yourself or your emotions."

"And I suppose the high and mighty Andalites can?" Marco jumped in, oddly on Rachel's side.

Rachel now had a target for her anger. "Shut up, midget, I don't need your help!"

I stopped checking the cages and watched. I could have intervened, maybe stopped the three of them from fighting, but the thing was, it didn't matter to me that much. It just didn't.

"Of course. Xena doesn't need anyone's help- except maybe a psychiatrist!"

So are we gonna do this or not? Tobias spoke up suddenly, aiming his question at Jake.

The arguments and yelling and shouting died down as we all turned to see Jake's reaction.

Jake shrugged. "I don't care," He said. "Do whatever you want. I've had enough." He shrugged again.

What do you mean by "you've had enough"? Tobias asked testily. He rearranged his wings, and I was suddenly struck with the thought that it had been a long time since I had seen Tobias in human morph.

Jake barked out a short, harsh, laugh. "Look at us," he said. "Look at where all my ideas and planning and-" a look of disgust came onto his face as he spat out the next word. "-leadership have gotten us. Sitting in a barn, fighting. What's the point? We're never going to win this war anyway, so why are we even wasting our time? What the hell's the point?" He shook his head. Then he looked up at us again, with the eyes of an old man. "You guys all can do what you want. But me? I'm out of this war." He turned and began on his way out of the barn.

We should have said something. One of us, any of us, should have spoken up and said something. But that was the thing- none of us did. Instead, we all just watched Jake walk out of the barn and out of the war.

We were all shocked. I mean, we knew that things had gotten bad. One look around before Tobias had spoken could have shown that. But the thing is- we all just sort of expected each of us to hang in there. We had never expected anyone- least of all Jake- to leave. We probably had no idea of the strain Jake had been under, leading us all. But we still hadn't expected Jake to leave us. And when he did- well, he kind of took everything holding us together away with him too.

It was my fault for what happened next. Maybe if I hadn't said what I said and done what I did, we could have made it. We might have just been operating with a different leader. But then again, everyone might have left just the same anyways.

"Get out," I told everyone.

"What?" Marco asked.

"You heard me. All of you, get out. I've had enough, too. Just get out of here. Now." I stared each of them down.

They all left. For once, they actually listened to me and left. And I guess that this was the real evidence that this whole war had changed me: after they left, I just went back to taking care of the animals and cleaning the cages. It didn't bother me at all. Not one bit.


	2. Section 2: Irony

**A/N: A few people asked where in the series this takes place. Well... that's a good question. I wish I could have thought of a good answer. I suppose that you could say that we could stick it somewhere before the books where the secret fight turned into a full-on invasion, but also somewhere after #33. Does that make any sense at all?  
  
Thanks for the reviews, people!**  
  
The rain was still falling outside, after Jake walked out on us and I forced everyone else to leave. It made me feel oddly comforted to know that no matter what happened to me, nature, at least, wouldn't be bothered.  
  
I sat in my room, trying to concentrate on my homework. The key word being trying. I couldn't think, couldn't concentrate. It felt like in my head, people were fighting and shouting. I was probably still remembering what had happened in the barn. I shook my head, trying to clear everything from it, and realized that the loud noises weren't coming from me; they were coming from downstairs.  
  
I opened the door to my room and quietly crept down the stairs to the kitchen, where I saw my mom and dad yelling at each other, both wearing the matching "husband and wife" aprons they had bought for each other for their latest anniversary as they prepared dinner.  
  
"_Honey_, I just don't think it's a good idea," My mom was saying as she banged a pot onto the stove.  
  
My dad poured water into the pot and somehow managed to slosh it everywhere as he said, "_Sweetheart_, you never think that anything is a good idea."  
  
I knew then that they were really mad. My parents never used words like "sweetheart" and "honey" unless they were extremely angry at each other. In all my life, I had only heard them act like this once, when they were debating whether or not to move here.  
  
Mom turned the stove on and glared at him. "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Nothing other then what I just said. You never think anything is a good idea unless it comes from you. I don't know why you can't just support my ideas sometimes!" Dad said this through gritted teeth.  
  
Mom started cutting green beans and shaking her head at my dad. "What are you saying? _Honey_, you know that that's not true! I support you all the time in everything that you do! You're the one who doesn't support and never gives anyone else a chance to speak their mind!"  
  
Dad pulled out some potatoes and began viciously peeling them. "I never give anyone a chance to speak their mind? _Dear_, you're just pulling things out of thin air and you know it!"  
  
Mom began chopping with more and more intensity. "Are you calling me a liar?"  
  
Dad threw his hands up in the air, dropping the potato he had been holding in his hand along with the peeler. The potato thumped on the ground, while the peeler clattered into the sink. "There you go again! I'm sick and tired of you always unnecessarily turning every little thing into a huge deal!"  
  
Mom picked up the potato and threw it into the sink. "Oh, so now you're sick and tired of me? I'm just trying to do my best, _sweetheart_! I work every day, take care of Cassie, cook dinner and clean the house, deal with angry people and animals, and I don't need any of your issues right now! You can never accept it when you're wrong!"  
  
"I'm wrong? I'm wrong? You sit here and nag me every single day, and I'm the one who can't accept it when I'm wrong? Those are all lies! Besides, Cassie's about to be sixteen years old, she doesn't need anyone taking care of her! And you're not the only in this family who works!" Dad angrily began peeling another potato.  
  
"Well, honey, its obvious who works harder!" With that my mom swept all the cut green beans into a bowl and turned to glare once more at my dad, hands on her hips, angry expression on her face.  
  
Dad shook his head in disbelief. "I've had enough," he muttered. He pulled his apron off, threw the potato and peeler into the sink, snatched a suitcase that was leaning against the door, and walked out of the kitchen.  
  
My mom ran after him, knife still in hand. "Where are you going?" She shouted. When he didn't answer, she yelled it again. "Where are you going? You can't just walk out of here!" It was obvious that he wasn't going to answer or come back. She stormed across the kitchen and knocked the cut green beans over onto the floor. I heard the door to her room slam.  
  
The fight was over. I sighed deeply, not aware that I had been holding my breath throughout the whole thing. How ironic that the words my dad had said where the exact same words Jake had used when he walked out. It was a strange coincidence. Why was everyone in my life leaving?  
  
I crept into the kitchen quietly. It felt like some of the tension from the fight was still lingering there. As quickly as I could I cleaned up the green beans on the floor, turned off the stove, and cleaned up the kitchen. Cassie the fixer, that was me. What was it Marco had called me? The peacemaker? I guess he had been right.  
  
I felt like I was walking through a dream or something. I was numb, immune to everything that had happened around me. As soon as I was done cleaning, I left the kitchen and went back upstairs to finish my homework.  
  
(((((((((())))))))))  
  
It didn't sink in until the next morning. I felt something... almost nagging me, in the back of my mind. I suddenly woke up, startled, and everything that had occurred the day before kicked in.  
  
First of all, the fact that I had failed a quiz. My parents weren't going to like that at all. Then again, with the state my parents were in, maybe they wouldn't even be thinking of grades.  
  
My parents... what had been up with them last night? I knew it wasn't the first fight that they had had, but to me it seemed like the worst. My parents wouldn't divorce; I knew that for sure, but still... it was just troubling, that was all.  
  
And the Animorphs. Had we really broken up like that? There had been a time once before when I had left, but I had come back. They had helped me come back. This seemed entirely different. No one could have actually meant what they said, could they?  
  
Yes, I realized. They could have. But still. It seemed unimaginable to not be the Animorphs anymore, to not have meetings anymore. How was it that because of one bad day, the world had lost its only saviors? It was strange... this was the thing that I had once wanted more than anything, not to be responsible any more for the fate of the world. But now that it had happened, it just didn't feel right. We had to get back together, and somehow work out the misunderstandings that had happened. But, I wasn't sure if we could do that.  
  
At that moment, I had a crisis of realization. I knew what I had to do. But I didn't want to do it, and I didn't know how to do it. It was like I was positioned at the top of a five hundred foot tall slide, and I couldn't go back because of the line of people behind me, and I couldn't go ahead because I was scared. I was stuck in a situation that I didn't want to be in.  
  
My mom hadn't come to wake me up like she did every morning. I pulled the covers off of me, and trudged downstairs. I hesitated, then knocked on the door to my parent's room.  
  
No answer.  
  
I knocked again. Silence. I pushed the creaky door open, and saw my mom laying on the bed in the clothes she had been wearing the night before, still asleep herself. I shut the door quickly, not pleased with what I had seen.  
  
I managed to get dressed, stuff a blueberry muffin in my mouth and down a glass of orange juice before I raced to the bus stop. It was still raining just as it had been the day before, and I managed to get myself entirely drenched before I even got to school. I made it to the bus stop just as the bus was arriving. I sat next to Jake, purposely. I was glad to see him. I needed to tell someone about what had happened in my family, and I knew that even though we hadn't talked for a while and we weren't officially together or anything, Jake would still listen.  
  
"Hi," I said to him, breathing hard from all the running I had just done.  
  
"Hey," he said. He immediately turned to look out the window.  
  
Silence for a while as I caught my breath and he ignored me. "You okay?" I asked him.  
  
He looked at me with those sad, tired, brown eyes that I had gotten so used to seeing almost every day. "I'm fine." I knew he wasn't fine. He looked conflicted and torn.  
  
"It's okay," I told him. I was trying to become my old role of comforter, but somehow, I couldn't fit into it anymore.  
  
He sort of shook his head. "Yeah, it should be. You would think that it would be okay, at least now. But it's not." He turned to stare out the window again.  
  
I touched his arm. He looked surprised that I had dared to touch him. "Jake..." I tried to say.  
  
Jake just shook his head again and harshly pulled his arm from my grasp, ending the conversation for good.  
  
That hurt. I bit my lip and blinked back the tears that for some reason were threatening to fall. This time I turned the other way, away from him.  
  
I realized, suddenly, that it had been the old Cassie that had managed to push through this morning. The old Cassie that was sensitive and understanding and that actually cared.  
  
Damn the old Cassie.  
  
We sat in silence until the bus pulled up to the school. I stood up and was the first person to leave the automobile, my few tears blending with the rain outside. As I walked into the school, I was vaguely aware that I was walking away from Jake, maybe forever.  
  
I walked inside the building and was hit by a blast of cold air that only emphasized to me how wet I was. I slid into the nearest bathroom I could find. I don't know, I was thinking that maybe I could do something, maybe dry myself off.  
  
Standing in the bathroom was Rachel. Her clear blue eyes swept over me coolly, then returned back to the mirror, where she continued applying her make-up. Of course, Rachel had managed to stay perfectly dry even though it was pouring buckets of water.  
  
I didn't say anything to her. I just stood in front of the sink, trying to wring my clothes out so I wouldn't be quite so wet. It was nearly impossible.  
  
We stood there in silence. It occurred to me then, just how bad things had gotten when I couldn't, and furthermore didn't want to, talk to my "best friend."  
  
With a final spray of her perfume, Rachel put all of her things back into her purse and strode out. On her way out the door, she casually tossed in my general direction, "Ironic, isn't it?"  
  
I stared at the spot that she had just been standing at as realization loomed in front of me. Today was the day. The three-year anniversary of when we had received our morphing powers. The day that our group had officially stopped being a group was, coincidentally, the same as the day that we had officially become a group.  
  
I could still smell Rachel's perfume. It lingered, just like her last words had.  
  
_ Yeah, it was ironic._


	3. Section 3: Sour

* * *

"When life throws you lemons, make lemonade," My teacher declared. He paced the front of the room and somehow managed to glare at every single one of us in the class. "The more sour the lemons, the sweeter the lemonade will be."  
  
You have no idea, I thought to myself. You have no idea how sour the lemons I have are.  
  
This, Algebra 2, had rapidly become my worst class, only because Rachel, Marco, and Jake happened to be in it as well. Maybe it didn't bother them, but for me, it was just strange. But that was okay. I mean, it wasn't like I actually cared about them anymore. Or did I?  
  
"I'm not going to be taking any more of your excuses," My teacher was still ranting, on and on. "I don't care how late any of you were up because you broke your leg or because your parents were in the hospital. I still expect you to get your homework done. I don't care how many things break apart in your life, homework should still be your number one priority. That is why I continue to say, when life throws you lemons, make lemonade."  
  
The bell rang, interrupting the long lecture that we had been listening to for the past forty-five minutes. I waited for everyone else to leave the room before I did. I noticed that none of any of my former friends tried to catch my eye.  
  
As soon as I did leave, I didn't go to my next class. I left the school building. It was a lot easier than I had thought that it would be.  
  
Yes, I skipped the rest of the day. Something that was completely out of character for me. But now, what was in-character? It seemed like I didn't even have a character anymore.  
  
Normally, if I had even been planning on skipping, I would have morphed to osprey and flown to my destination. But now, it was still raining, and I knew that as a bird I would have a hard time flying through the rain. So I decided to walk. I needed a walk, anyways.  
  
I headed in the opposite direction from my house, feeling just slightly uneasy still about skipping. That was a good sign. If I could still feel apprehensive about doing this, then it meant that I still had a little bit of the old Cassie in me.  
  
The cold weather felt surprisingly refreshing. I stopped for a moment, lifted my face up and closed my eyes. The rain slid comfortingly down my face, gently soaking me.  
  
I opened my eyes again and continued my walk. Why was I doing this? This wasn't my responsibility... if anything, it was Jake's. After all, Jake was the former-leader of our group. So why was I the one making the long walk over to Erek's house?  
  
Jake... I suddenly remembered a conversation I had had with Jake, so long ago.  
  
"Jake, what will you do?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What will you do when this war is over? If it's ever over?"  
  
"I don't know. Go back to regular life, I guess."  
  
"Do we even know what regular life is anymore?"  
  
The recollection of the conversation almost made me smile mirthlessly. Because even though the war wasn't technically over, we were going back to regular life. Regular life... I had been right when I asked if we knew what regular life was. Because right now, I realized that I sure didn't.  
  
I looked up and pulled myself out of my thoughts. I was at my destination: A normal two-story house in a middle class suburban neighborhood. There was nothing strange or unordinary about it.  
  
I glanced around a little, hoping that there were no adults to see me out skipping school, and rang the doorbell.  
  
I heard thumping down stairs, and then the door swept open. Mr. King looked down at me and did a double take. "Cassie?"  
  
I nodded unnecessarily. "Hi, Mr. King. Um, can we talk?"  
  
Mr. King nodded. "Sure! Come on in, make yourself at home. Let me get you something to drink." I took a step into the house and was almost immediately pounced on by three dogs. Not very surprising. I took a moment to scratch each of them behind the ears before following Mr. King into the living room.  
  
Mr. King was the "father" of Erek King. In reality, both of them were not a normal father and son duo, they were a part of the Chee: ancient dog-shaped androids that could project holograms around themselves. The hologram that the Chee usually use is of humans. The Chee help us fight in the war against the Yeerks. That is... they used to help us fight.  
  
I sat down on the couch in the living room. Mr. King sat across from me, and handed me a glass of lemonade. He frowned. "Cassie, shouldn't you be in school?"  
  
I guess he managed to pick up on some of the father stuff after all this time of pretending to be Erek's father.  
  
I raised the glass of lemonade to my mouth, and suddenly my teacher's voice rang in my head: "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade." I placed the lemonade down and pushed it a little bit away from me. And I became aware that Mr. King was still waiting for me to answer his question.  
  
"Um, yeah," I said. "But, I kind of have some news."  
  
"Good or bad?" Mr. King was immediately at attention. He knew that I wouldn't just drop in on him other than for Yeerk-related purposes. But then again...this wasn't exactly Yeerk-related, was it?  
  
"I guess that depends on how you look at it," I told him. I took a deep breath. "We...the Animorphs, I mean, we kind of...split up." Saying the words made it more real.  
  
"What?" Mr. King practically yelled, jumping up. His hologram actually flickered and for a moment I was able to see the silver-metallic android instead of the human hologram. "What do you mean by 'split up'?"  
  
I winced, a little taken aback by his astonishment and slight anger. "Um, we're kind of not a group anymore."  
  
"How did this happen?" Mr. King demanded.  
  
I sighed. "I don't know," I admitted. "I think that... we were all kind of...gradually... in a way...falling apart...from each other. And yesterday was...just...the last straw. We all just...stopped." I wondered vaguely if he could make sense of what I had said.  
  
Mr. King sat back down on the couch. He slowly shook his head in disbelief. "Do you not realize that you six are earth's only hope?"  
  
What he said sounded cheesy, but it was true. I just shrugged guiltily, keeping my eyes downcast. What else was there to say? That I was sorry that I had kicked the other Animorphs out of my barn because I didn't care anymore and was scaring myself?  
  
He sighed. "Well-" he started, then stopped and began again. "Well, I guess there's nothing we can do. Sorry about snapping at you. I'll tell Erek and everyone else about this; I think they'll definitely want to know. Or rather, they'll definitely need to know. Thanks for dropping in, Cassie."  
  
I nodded and stood up to leave. Mr. King walked me to the door. As I was leaving the house, he called after me, "Cassie? It might be a good idea to go back to school."  
  
"Yeah, I know," I called back to him, even though I had no intention whatsoever of going back.  
  
I glanced guiltily at the closed door. I wasn't part of the Animorphs anymore. So why was I feeling guilt? Why was I feeling a slight sense of responsibility?  
  
Not to mention feeling cold, I thought to myself as I suddenly shivered. It hit me then that I had been outside walking in the freezing rain. Now I was the classic combination of wet, cold, and miserable.  
  
I stopped walking for a moment to determine where I was. I had gotten lost in my thoughts again. And, now, I realized as I glanced around and saw only unfamiliar streets and houses, I was just lost.  
  
"Cassie!" I heard a familiar voice calling me. I glanced up to see, of all people, my mom, staring at me from the open window of a car. I guess she had decided not to go to work today.  
  
My mom pulled over. "Cassie, you have got yourself a lot of explaining to do!"  
  
And you've got even more explaining to do, I thought ruefully, remembering the fight from last night.  
  
"Well?" My mom demanded. It seemed like a lot of people were demanding to know things from me today. First Mr. King, now my mom.  
  
"Mom..." I faltered, at a loss for words.  
  
"Don't just stand there, Cassie, get in the car!" My mother shouted at me in an exasperated tone. She sounded more like Rachel's mom in that instant than like herself. And that was kind of funny, because she hadn't talked to Rachel's mom in the longest time.  
  
"Cassie, I believe you were about to tell me why you were skipping school and why you're out here by yourself, walking in the rain?"  
  
"Mom..."  
  
"Come on, Cassie, you don't have all day." She glared at me. "Although I suppose you thought that you would."  
  
"Sorry, Mom."  
  
She laughed derisively. "Oh yes, you will be sorry. Very sorry, after you've been grounded for two weeks and dropped off and picked up from school by me every day." She sneaked a glance at me and gasped again. "Cassie! You're absolutely dripping wet!"  
  
"Uh...well, I was out in the rain...."  
  
"And it's entirely your own fault that you're wet," She continued as if I hadn't spoken. She suddenly reached over and pressed her hand on my wet forehead.  
  
"No wonder! You're hot! Cassie, we're going straight home, you're almost burning up!"  
  
I sighed a little as I climbed into the passenger seat. My mom must still have been wound up from last night, because there was no way ordinarily that she would be yelling at me like this.  
  
"And while you're lying in bed, you can explain to me just where you got the idea to skip school from!"  
  
"You keep yelling at me to explain, but why don't you explain to me about you and Dad?" I blurted out suddenly.  
  
Mom stopped talking and looked down at the steering wheel. Then she turned to look out the window and said quietly, "That's none of your business."  
  
I sighed and looked out the window too, wishing that I wasn't where I was right now and hadn't said all the things I'd said in the last two days.  
  
My mom was right about one thing, at least. There was no one to blame for this whole mess but myself. 

_Here are some reviewer responses for the first and second chapter...just because I like responding, I guess.  
_  
**Korean Pearl:** Thanks, that makes me feel really good. I'm glad everyone was in character; I was really striving to have that. I actually had no intention for it to be so sad, but I guess it kind of just turned out that way, ya know? Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**Wraithlord42:** Thanks for both reviewing and for the actual review. Wow, is it really that depressing? Hope I'm not making everyone sad by just reading this, although I guess it's good that it's actually making people feel something, right? Thanks again!  
  
**CrypticIdentity:** I have to tell you, I love your name. Every time I see it, I always think, "Wow, that's so cool." Anyways, the answers to all your questions will be revealed...in time. And you're right, the anniversary thing does have significance. But that will be revealed too, in time. Thanks for reviewing; it means a lot.  
  
**Natalie:** Thanks for the applause and for the reviewing! Aw, are you a shipper for Jake and Cassie? I've always kind of entertained the theory that their relationship is pretty strong... so perhaps that's a hint of an answer to your question. Happy writings to you too!  
  
**Kagome:** Thank you! I'll try to write more; I'm not very good at updates, though. I also have a habit of cursing myself with only writing two chapters, so I'm really glad I was able to write more for this.  
  
**Mel18:** Thanks so much, that's really flattering! Really, you have no idea how much I'm trying to make this a strong piece and how I'm trying to get Cassie's character down. So a compliment like that makes me feel a little bit reassured about how I'm doing. And I'm still waiting for you to update your Tobias story.


	4. Section 4: Wishes

I stayed cooped up in my room for the rest of the week, thanks to my mom's claims that I was "sick." I knew I wasn't, and I guess on some level she knew that I wasn't either, but neither of us said anything. I, for once, was happy to have a reason to not go to school, and Mom was happy to have a reason to avoid me.

Dad hadn't been home the last few days. When I asked about it, Mom told me that he was on a "business trip." We both knew better. It seemed like these days I was just living my life in lies. It felt like my whole life was a lie, and I guess in a way that was the truth. Who cared, anyway? Nothing really mattered in the end, right?

My life was falling apart. And I, Cassie the fixer, the peace-maker, the fixer-upper, had no idea what to do about it.

Disney movies were my only escape.

As a child, I had always loved Disney movies, more than the average kid should have. But how could I not? The main character was usually a beautiful person, who simply lived their lives like normal. Then, some travesty would occur that would upset their daily lives. They would have to jump over some hurdles, and on the way would find themselves falling in love, usually with another beautiful person. And at the end, everything would turn out perfectly and they would marry and live happily ever after. As a little girl, I would watch those beautiful people adoringly, and wish with all my heart that I was, as Ariel in _The Little Mermaid_ put it so perfectly, part of that world.

I had never wished harder than right then that I was a part of a Disney movie.

When I was young, it took me a while to understand and to realize that real life couldn't be like the world of Disney. Real life didn't always end happily ever after. And in real life, the problems lasted just a little bit longer than an hour and a half.

But I still couldn't help but want to trade my life with Ariel's.

Those long days of being "sick" were spent lying in my bed, speaking minimally to my mom, and escaping my life by staring almost hypnotically at the television screen.

Movie after movie after movie. Lion King. Beauty and the Beast. The Fox and the Hound. Pocahontas. Toy Story. Mulan. Snow White. Sleeping Beauty. Cinderella. Aladdin. And lastly, The Little Mermaid.

I was in the middle of The Little Mermaid when Mom walked in. She sat on the edge of the bed and just looked at me.

"I'm sick," I reminded her, trying my best to sound like it. It was no use, though; I'm a horrible liar.

"Oh, Cassie," She said, a classic sappy moment line, but right then I didn't care. "You can't hide here forever. Believe me, I've learned that." She looked away and sighed. "You have to face whatever it is you're hiding from."

"Yeah," I told her. "I know." I had never been good at the silent treatment. It was a relief to finally talk to Mom. I sighed, wanting to change the subject. "Why'd you come and talk to me now?"

Mom just pointed towards the screen, where Sebastian the crab was saying huffily, "Hmm! Teenagers. They think they know everything. You give them an inch and they swim all over you!"

She smiled at me. "I didn't want it to get to that point." We both knew she had just used that line to escape from having to directly answer my question, but at the moment it didn't matter.

With that, she left. However sappy that had been, I felt better. Deep down, I really am a parent-pleaser.

That finally snapped me out of my Disney-watching-wallowing-in-self-pity phase. As soon as she left, I got up and got dressed. I had a lot of stuff to think about, and I needed more room to think about it.

((())))

For some reason, it was hard for me to think in my house. Too much had happened there, and it felt like there was too much tension stuffed in there. I had to get away, even if I didn't know where to go.

I walked out of the house after calling out to my mom that I was going on a walk.

"Hey, Cassie." I jumped and spun around to see Erek. Erek, the "son" of Mr. King.

"Hi Erek," I said.

He leaned against the barn and nodded briefly to acknowledge me. "How have you been doing, Cassie? Heard you were sick the last few days."

What could I do? Tell him that I had only been sick so that I could escape real life? The way I saw it, there was no need for him to think that I was any crazier than he already suspected. "Yeah, but I'm feeling better now."

"Good." He shifted and looked away from me. I looked down at the ground, unhappily anticipating what was coming. "So, you guys split?"

"Yeah. Yeah, we did." Why was it so hard to say?

"Unbelievable," Erek muttered. "Impossible. You know you're Earth's only hope?"

"You have no idea how much you sound like your dad right now," I said in a lame attempt to lighten the mood.

Erek shook his head. "You can't let this happen."

"It's too late! It already happened! I know it shouldn't have and I know I should have done something, but I didn't! I'm sorry, okay?" I shouted. He had no idea how much this had haunted me, how much the guilt was tearing me up inside.

Erek shook his head again. "It's not your fault, Cassie. But that's not what I meant."

"What?" I was practically on the verge of tears.

"I meant, the concert. The one The Sharing is organizing. You can't let it happen."

"What?" I repeated, blinking back tears. "Why are you coming to me? What can I do?"

"You're the only one I could come to," Erek said, looking me in the eye again. And in some crazy way, I understood what he meant.

I wiped my hand across my eyes. "What do you want me to do?"

"Anything. You just can't let this happen, Cassie."

"I know," I told him truthfully. "I can't do it alone, though."

"I'll help."

"Okay. But Erek, I have to go now." I really needed to get away. I think he understood.

"See ya, Cassie. I'll drop by tomorrow."

"Bye, Erek." I watched him walk away from me until he was nothing more than a speck.

I slid gently against the wall of the barn until I was sitting down. I wasn't in the mood for a walk anymore. I knew what Erek had said, and I knew he was right. And I knew that I had to do something. But what?

I didn't want to know, and I didn't want to do it.

And all of a sudden I was mad. It was completely unlike me, but I couldn't help it. These days I was becoming less and less like myself, if that even made sense. I was mad at Erek, for giving me this whole new load of responsibility that I didn't think I could handle. And I was mad at my parents, for being such hypocrites. And I was mad at Rachel, Marco, Tobias, Ax, and Jake. Especially Jake. Even if it was my own fault that they had left, I was still mad at them. If they hadn't been so stubborn and so...so.... I couldn't even find the right word for it, and that just got me even madder.

I needed to blow off some steam, the only way I knew how. I headed behind the barn, into the forest and concentrated on the DNA of the horse that was somewhere inside of me. And just as suddenly as the changes began, they stopped. Because right then I realized that this was the longest I had ever gone without morphing.

Maybe...just maybe, I didn't need the Animorphs and the morphing power. Maybe I was fine with just Cassie. And maybe it all really did matter.

But then, there was this horrible feeling inside of me. I wanted nothing more than to exchange my life with someone else's, because it seemed to me like everyone else had it better. I just felt like I had let everyone down, and I didn't know what to do about it, and more importantly, I didn't know if I wanted to do anything about it. I really wanted to just quit.

But still...I couldn't help but think, though, that at that moment I wanted nothing more than to be lying in my bed with the sheets pulled up to my chin, watching The Little Mermaid.

--

_Reviewer Responses_

**Korean Pearl:** Hey there! Thanks so much for the reviews! Yeah, I know it's been awhile... I have update problems, not to mention other problems in life... but thanks anyway :) Sorry if I havent been able to review your stories too often; my computer has an annoying habit of messing up and not letting me write reviews...but just wanna let you know that I'm still reading.

**Jeffrey:** Thanks! I'm glad you like it; I hope you'll keep on reading.

**Padfoot:** Yes, they are. :( Actually, now thinking back on it, it would have been really sad if KA had ended the series with them breaking up. I'm glad she didn't... thanks for reviewing!

**Cryptic Identity:** Wow, you've had lots of names... I've always kind of thought it would be interesting to keep changing names for , just because it would be cool to be able to be different....but at the same time, it's all kind of confusing to me. Hehe, maybe Cassie is "sick" because of being out of character...you never know. And yeah, I figured the Chee are pretty important in this whole battle against the Yeerks (assuming there still is one, even though the Animorphs are no more). By the way.... I checked out your story on fictionpress; I thought it was really good! Anyways, thanks for reviewing and for the encouragement!


	5. Section 5: Problems

_A/N: This is a pretty short chapter, and on the same not a very good on as well... but for the record, don't be surprised if Cassie begins to seem a little OOC... basically, I want to show that her character is going to change a little bit throughout this story, something that I think should be expected with all the changes that she goes through. _

_**Reviewer Responses: **_

_**Natalie: **Oh, wow, that's so cool that you could relate to this Cassie (and to the story!)! I suppose that this would be one of those instances where life imitates art? (Or is it art imitating life?Maybe both? ) Anyways, thanks for reading, and thanks for reviewing!_

_**East Coast Ryder: **Wow, big compliment! Thanks a lot; I'm glad you think so! Thanks for the review. _

_**Cryptic Identity: **Haha! Yes, I really did like it! When are you going to write another story? I was a little bit worried about that Disney movie connection, so thanks for approving it. ï. Thanks for reading and of course for reviewing!_

I needed a plan. I had a job to do, and I needed a plan to accomplish it.

I had spent the last few days not thinking at school, trying to concentrate all my efforts on making up a plan. And in that time, all I had discovered was that I was certainly not a plan-maker. Sure, I could do it every once in a while, like when teammates were ill and I needed to morph a Yeerk to save them, or when we had a new teammate who was slowly but surely taking us all out...but this was different. It sounded stupid, but that was how it was to me. This just felt different.

Then again, that was probably the one word that could be used to describe my life for the past few days: different. And I had thought that things had gotten as different and strange as they could possibly get after Elfangor had given us the morphing power that day so long ago.

I had been very, very, wrong. Things had gotten a lot more "different" now- and the difference was that things were worse.

It was an early Saturday morning. That was one thing that I was thankful for, that it was finally the weekend and that today I wouldn't have to face my former-teammates again. But on the other hand, it was Saturday- which meant that I only had less than a week to figure out what to do about the Sharing concert without the help of my former team-mates.

It felt so strange to put that "former" in front of the word "teammates". It didn't feel right, as if it didn't belong there. Or maybe I was just hoping that it didn't belong there.

It was kind of ironic- as the war progressed, and as I had been forced to spend more and more time fighting with Marco, Rachel, Jake, Ax, and Tobias – I had started to care less about them and about everything else in general. But it was now – now that I wasn't talking to any of them and now that I seemed to be fighting this war on my own – that I suddenly was finding myself caring- and caring a lot.

For instance, about my friends. Not only had I spent the last few days worrying about a plan... I had also been worrying about my friends. But were they my friends? I didn't know how to refer to them anymore... Rachel, my best friend...or rather, my once best friend. What was Rachel going to do now that she wasn't fighting anymore? I doubted that sales and gymnastics would be able to satisfy her. Would she continue fighting using her own risk-taking and reckless tactics? Because if that was so, she was guaranteed to get herself into some trouble... and this time none of us would be there to bail her out.

And how about Tobias and Ax? They were actually related to each other, so would they still be communicating with one another, and continuing the war against the Yeerks on their own? And if they weren't still talking to each other, how would they be doing? They were faced with almost impossible to handle situations: Ax was an Andalite, separated by light-years from his people and his home. And Tobias was a teenage boy, trapped in the body of a hawk. How on earth would they be able to handle those situations?

And Marco as well. Marco, who hid everything behind jokes and sarcasm. Marco had been the one who was most against fighting the war. So now that we were no longer doing it, would he be happy? Or deep down, would he feel a little bit upset and a little bit guilty? And how would he be doing, not able to talk to the person who had been his best friend since as long as anyone could remember?

And speaking of that best friend... I felt like I worried about Jake most of all. He had been the leader of our small little group, the one with the most strain upon him. And being Jake, he would of course have placed the blame for our split-up upon his own shoulders. But I wasn't sure if Jake had the strength to hold everything up. What was it like for him, going through every single day seeing Tom, knowing that his brother was trapped in his own body, and knowing that he wasn't doing anything about it? In addition to his own problems, I knew that Jake would also be worrying about everyone else...but as selfish as this sounded, I couldn't help but wonder how much Jake was worrying about me?

It was amazing to me that in the midst of all my worrying and attempting-to-plan, I had still managed to finish all my homework and schoolwork, and actually get a B on my chemistry test. In these last couple of days, school had become increasing harder...and not just because I was taking hard classes.

Yeah, it was hard for me to walk down the halls and see Rachel and not even wave or smile at her. But it was even harder to see Erek, and have to look down or away from his gaze because I didn't have what he wanted and needed: a plan.

And that brought me back to where I was that Saturday morning; sitting at the kitchen table table, eating cereal, and musing over possible ideas that I could use to mess up the concert The Sharing was planning on having, while at the same time not hurting any innocent humans and bystanders in the process.

I looked down at my bowl of Lucky Charms, as if the answer to all my problems lay there in the hearts, stars and rainbows...as well as all the other shapes. I sighed, and picked up my bowl and dumped everything into the sink.

My mom would be down soon. That was basically what made me decide to leave the house. I left a note for her on the table, feeling only slightly guilty about it. The truth was, my mom and I had been avoiding each other for the past few days. That was the problem with my family. We didn't like to confront each other about the hard stuff.

I left the house and walked over to, of all places, the mall. I guess that it had always been an advantage that I lived pretty close to the mall, but I had never really believed that. I wasn't a mall kind of person- that was closer to Rachel's personality. But there were a few things I liked about the mall- one of them was that inside of it was a Starbucks.

I headed straight over to the Starbucks and got myself a mocha frappucino. I wasn't really that thirsty, but whenever I went to Starbucks I always felt obligated to get something. I sat at a table outside and did the exact same thing that I'd been doing (for what felt like) forever: thinking.

I started to zone out a little, and began to watch the people around me. Sitting near me was a guy just strumming on his guitar and singing softly. On my other side say a couple, holding hands and sipping each other's drinks.

Seeing everything made me smile...and made me feel like for that moment, I was just a normal teenager, sitting outside and enjoying my frappucino. And I guess I was.

I observed some of the other people in my genera area. One lady sat by herself, eating a brownie and reading a book, her lips silently forming the words she was reading. And not too far from her sat a teenage guy, flipping through a textbook. He must have felt me watching him, because he looked up at me, raised his eyebrows, and smiled.

My cheeks heated up as I smiled back and quickly turned the other way, embarrassed. As I turned, my eyes caught sight of a man sitting by himself, filling out papers. A gust of wind blew and knocked some of the papers to the floor. I bent down and picked some of them up. He did so as well. We both lifted our heads so that I could give him his papers, and as we made eye contact, I dropped all the papers I was holding in surprise.

"_Dad?"_


	6. Section 6: Parks

**AN: I'm back from the best camp ever and along with other things, I found this story and knew that I needed to get back to it. I'm sorry for the long wait, everyone, and in addition I'm sorry for the shorter-than-usual chapter – don't worry, the next chapter should more than make up for it. Thanks for still sticking around, and you have no idea just how much your reviews would be and will be appreciated. **

Thanks a bunch to LilManiac, Jeffrey, Natalie, Korean Pearl, and Cyberspace. Reviewer responses will be back by the next chapter. insert smiley face that a certain website that you are at right now will not let me add in.

* * *

The fall wind blew, rustling the leaves on the ground so that they drifted up around me before settling back into their respective places. The shrieks and cries of children playing filled the air, along with the squeaking of rusty swing sets and metal see-saws. Soon enough the park would be quiet; it was late, and soon the kids would be running to their loving parents who would drive them back to their warm, inviting, homes. 

When I was younger, I never really liked parks. I would much rather ride horses than play with people my own age. Somehow, now things had completely reversed in me. Now I would much rather be with people than become animals.

Wait…I had meant that I would much rather be with people than be with animals.

Or did I mean that?

Did it even matter anymore?

"Cassie."

I looked up and saw Erek there, waiting, just like I had told him to. I found myself rapidly swallowing hard, and wondering if I was actually going to go through with this.

Without even debating, I knew that I was.

"Hey, Erek," I said. I slid off the picnic table I had been sitting on and stood next to him. "Thanks for coming."

He smiled wryly, and I wondered just how long it had taken Erek to get human expressions down so well. "I didn't think that you left me a choice," he said.

I nodded. He was right. I had called him and told him to meet me at the park. I hadn't asked, I had demanded.

"I didn't really have a choice either," I admitted.

He shook his head, but didn't say anything. I knew what he was thinking though, which was that I did have a choice but I had chosen not to. But he wouldn't say anything.

I don't think it had ever occurred to me until now just how perceptive Erek was. And he had to be, didn't he? To pick up on all the things the Yeerks were planning without ever being picked up on by them required skill and talent, and it had never really hit all of us just how much of that Erek and the other Chee had.

_All of us. _I had just referred to the other Animorphs and I as a group. How ironic, considering what I had called Erek over to tell him.

I looked out at the playground, at those innocent children, and my weakening resolve was strengthened.

"I'm done," I told him. Just like that. No flashiness, no beating around the bush, just straight out. "I'm done with this."

Erek waited patiently for me to explain.

"I'm out of this. I'm sorry Erek, but I can't do this anymore. I couldn't do it with the others, and…I can't do it by myself. I'm…I'm sorry." I blinked back a tentative tear, and I realized that I didn't even know why I was almost crying.

Erek watched me closely, and carefully said, "Why?" He didn't have to say anymore. He knew the guilt was tearing at me and would continue to; he just needed to know the rest of how I felt.

"I can't deal with this. There's just too much…." I looked away, then looked back at him. "My dad's back, and he wants me to… there's just…." I stopped again. Took a deep breath. And continued. "Erek, you told me that I couldn't let what The Sharing was planning happen. But now… now I _can._"

"And that scares you?"

"It terrifies me. But I know that it's not going to get any better…not unless I get away from it."

Erek looked at me and didn't say anything. I knew he didn't agree.

"The others got out of it…why can't I?" I knew that was unfair and uncalled for, but it didn't stop me from saying it.

"Don't play the comparison game, Cassie," Erek said curtly. He glanced out at the playground, and then challengingly met my eyes. "This isn't about the others. This is about you, about you giving up."

He had said it. He had finally called out what I was doing. I had tried to hide behind fancy words and feelings, and he had managed to cut straight to the core of what I was feeling.

It struck me, very suddenly, that in a way, Erek was exactly like me.

"Yeah. I'm giving up." I turned away from Erek, and looked at the playground again. It was slowly emptying, but there were still a few children there, playing. They weren't worried about the time or whether it was getting cold or dark. They weren't worried about anything.

"I want to be like that," I said suddenly, and gestured towards the children. "I want to go back to caring about things that people my age should care about. I don't want to be like _this_ anymore. I used to be like them. We all did. I just want to go back."

Erek sighed wearily, and for a moment he looked like Jake used to, like an old man with too much on his shoulders. I cringed painfully at the thought of Jake, and then looked back at Erek in time to hear his next words. "Can you?"

Erek had never been the way that I so desperately now wanted to be. When in his life had he ever been innocent? How often had he desired to be, but was restrained by the duty of war? "I don't know. But I want to. I think I need to before I break."

Erek followed my gaze towards the children swinging and whooping in excitement. "Okay." We looked at the kids again for another moment. "Okay."

We stood together for a few moments of silence, both of us lost in our thoughts. I was thinking to myself about just how selfish I was being. And for the first time in a long while, I honestly didn't care. I was sick of all this. Was it so much to ask to be normal? A long time ago, I had tried to step out of this war, and the other Animorphs had gently reminded me that I not only _shouldn't, _but I _couldn't. _Now, those very same people who had stopped me from leaving, had left. And it only made sense that I would leave too. Leave the Yeerks to do whatever it was that they wanted to do. I didn't care anymore. Before that thought would have scared me, but now I just didn't care. I wanted normality. I wanted normal friends, normal family, normal life. I didn't know just how likely it was that I would get it, but I knew I could try.

"So," Erek broke the thick and heavy silence. "So you're giving up in an attempt to be like the people that you've just sentenced to death."

His words and his tone were harsh, but they were true. And at the time, it didn't feel like there was anything that I could do about it.


	7. Section 7: Turning Point

* * *

It's a shocking discovery when you figure out that you don't know yourself half as well as you thought. 

As I walked home from the park, away from Erek and away from the thing that had been so much of me, I was ready. I had prepared myself for the flood of emotions that were sure to follow.

I had prepared myself for immediately feeling guilty for having deserted my duty. I had already figured out that right after guilt would come the indecision: _Had I made the right choice? What on earth had I done? Was it too late to call Erek back and tell him that everything I said had been a complete lapse in judgment? _I had steeled myself for the frustration that would follow, the frustration of not knowing what I wanted or what I needed to do. I had even gotten myself ready for the feelings of anger that would grip me. The anger I would feel with myself for possibly not having made the right choice.

In fact, before I had gone to tell Erek about my decision to leave this war, I had analyzed myself completely. I had looked at the kind of person I was and had seen just what the immediate effects of the decision I made would be, and I had equipped myself efficiently to deal with the forecasted aftermath.

Or so I thought.

I had prepared myself for all those emotions that I had been sure that I would experience. That was why it came as a complete shock to me that as I left the park and began the walk home, I felt none of those emotions. I felt something completely different.

_I felt free._

There was this sensation, an overwhelming sensation that the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders, and I was free. Like that feeling you get on the Friday after a hard week of school, when you know that you have fun plans for the weekend. Or that feeling you get on the day that school is let out and summer officially begins, and all you see looming ahead of you is an irrepressible freedom and an undeniable array of possibilities.

At that moment, the whole stress of Yeerks and plans and fighting and friends and the Sharing and school and life in general seemed to slide off of me.

I wanted to skip and yell and dance. I wanted to run back to the park and jump on the swings and swing so high that I could touch the trees. I wanted to go to a party, and I wanted to collapse on my couch at home with a pint of ice cream and watch _Mean Girls. _I wanted disorderliness, I wanted escape, I wanted to not care, I wanted to forget. I wanted to go to Starbucks.

So I did.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that it – everything – was false. It was too sweet, too high, too much, to be for real. But right at that moment, all the apathy that had been threatening to hit me came at full blast and collided right with all my present happiness to form a wave of blissful ignorance and liberation that I was willing to succumb to.

The next thing I knew, I was in Starbucks, drinking a mocha frappucino and relishing in the chocolate and coffee and caffeine.

And _he_ was there, sitting at the same table as last time, and catching my eye once again.

And now he was coming over, and I was getting nervous, and he was carrying the same textbook that he had been carrying before, and I was trying not to grip my mocha frappucino too hard, and he was pulling a chair up to my table, and I was breathing hard and hyperventilating, and he was sitting down and smiling, and my strange happiness/freedom high was fading away, and things were finally slowing down and reality was suddenly hitting me, and then he was talking.

"Hi." He said with a warm smile.

"Hi," I replied shyly.

"I'm Austin," he told me. Before I could tell him my name, he continued with, "I'm sorry, I know this is really awkward. It's just, I remember seeing you the other day, and I wanted to talk to you. And now, you really look like you could use someone to talk to."

All I could think was that Austin was the opposite of Jake.

He kept on talking. "I'm sorry, this is really weird. I'm really sorry. But, we go to the same school, and every time I've seen you in the halls you're always helping someone else. You just seemed really nice. I don't even know your name, but you're the nicest girl that I've ever met, even if we haven't met yet."

I'd only talked to him for five seconds, but all I could see was how completely opposite the two of them were.

"I'm talking a lot. Sorry. Do you want to talk? Yeah, you probably do. I mean, I just said that you look like you needed to talk. I'm sorry, it's just you're really pretty, and I'm pretty nervous, and maybe I shouldn't have even said this sentence." He finally took a deep breath and looked at me expectantly.

It had taken a whole lifetime for knowing Jake for me to start liking him, and I was already crushing for this energetic, talkative boy that I had just met. I thought that I would be upset about telling Erek that I was quitting the Animorphs, but I wasn't. Everyone always told me that I was a kind, caring, person, but all I had done for the past week was acted out of selfish ambition.

Nothing made sense. Everything was so rushed and jagged that right now my brain was only comprehending two things:

The first thing was Austin.

He looked at me anxiously. "Should I just go away and pretend like we - uh,I -never talked?"

The second thing was that the inevitable had come: I had given up on the Animorphs, given up on the war, and now I hadfinally given up on myself.

And you know what?

_I didn't care. _

* * *

**A/N:** I sincerely hope that the writing style of this chapter accurately reflected the changes that have taken place in Cassie. I just want to thank you guys all for reading, and thank you for your reviews. They all mean a lot. 

And, um, I said something last chapter about reviewer responses being back, so I really want to apologize that they're not. If it makes anyone feel any better, I do respond to reviews in my head, it's just the whole process of typing them out so that they make sense that is very time-consuming. But really, thanks so much for reviewing. All of you guys are really cool by my book. :)


	8. Section 8: Normal

**Disclaimer: Credit should be given where due; i.e., not to me.**

**AN: It's been awhile, I know. But I feel that I owe it to all of you (especially old readers, the few of you who are left!) to finish this. Updates should be much more frequent hereinafter, and the Animorphs should be drifting in soon. On reviews—they make me a better writer, and I enjoy hearing what you all think (whether positive or negative), so I appreciate any and all. And finally, thanks to _SouthrnBelle_. Onward!**

"And then you come home late with this Dallas boy—"

"Austin," I corrected gently as I cleared the table.

One week later, and a few things had happened. The first was that Austin and I had become closer.

"Austin, Dallas, I don't care! That's not the point!" Mom threw a rag down on the counter, for emphasis, I supposed. "The point is that you were out with him late last night doing God-knows-what—"

"_Studying_, Mom. We were just studying." I finished clearing the dishes and started loading them in the dishwasher.

Austin and I really had only been studying. We spent most of our time together studying with each other, or doing homework, or talking. He had seemed nice the first time I met him, but I had still been wary to jump into a relationship with him. He had proposed that we become friends, and get to know each other.

And in all honesty, he was a great guy. He had an infectious smile and a comfortable demeanor, and when he talked (which was a lot of the time), I could almost hear the energy in his voice. It sounded corny, but I felt like I could talk to him about anything.

Well, almost anything. I wasn't exactly planning on telling him that I possessed alien powers that enabled me to turn into animals. I also wasn't planning on telling him that due to a split with five other people who possessed this same powers, I hadn't exactly been utilizing them to their fullest potential.

"And you know, Cassie, I'm not even mad about you staying out late—"

"I _didn't_ stay out late; it wasn't even past curfew!"

"—and going out with him all the time. What I really want to know, is…" Mom stopped cleaning the countertop and turned to face me, a small grin evident on her face. "…Why haven't you introduced him to me yet?"

The second thing that had happened was that Mom and I had stopped talking about Dad. Now we joked around, we teased each other, she scolded me, I complained; we did normal things. We just ignored the fact that Dad even existed, and we both tried to pretend that the tension between us didn't exist. It wasn't working very well, but it was all we had and neither of us was willing to change it.

I was acting like a coward, but at least I could admit it. Besides, she was the older one.

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

"Sorry, Mom." I carefully placed the last glass into the dishwasher and reached down to get the soap. "But we're just friends. There's really no reason to introduce him to you. I mean, I will…just not now. Okay?"

"Well, answer this for me. What about Jake?"

I dumped the soap unceremoniously into the dishwasher and worked on applying more care to my answer of the question. "What about Jake?"

"Whatever happened to you and him? I thought that the two of you had a little thing going on." My mom waited impatiently for my response.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied neutrally. It pained me that maybe, once upon a time, I would have had no qualms telling my mom about every last detail of what had—or rather, hadn't—happened between Jake and me. _How things change._

"Okay then, Cassie. Don't worry about me…just don't bother telling your poor mother anything." She sighed melodramatically, but it didn't come off as light as she must have wanted it to. Awkwardness descended onto the kitchen. The both of us became suddenly hyper-aware of ourselves, standing there with one another, neither of us having anything to say. It was one of those dense silences, the kind where you feel like talking to fill up the space but you're afraid that the words will be too empty to even do anything. Since when had we become strangers in our own house?

"Well—"

"Um—"

"I'm exhausted; it's off to bed for me!" Mom's laugh sounded bare. "Lots of things to do tomorrow."

"Yeah. Uh, bye."

The third thing that had happened was that The Sharing's free concert had come closer.

I kept telling myself that it didn't matter to me. I mean, I had quit the Animorphs, I had told Erek that I was done with all of it. I had no reason to worry about it. It wasn't my problem.

But it didn't matter what I told myself; I couldn't get the concert off of my mind. It probably didn't help that the people at my school were getting reasonably excited about it. Apparently The Sharing had managed to get some decently-famous musicians to come and play, which probably meant that those musicians were infested.

Not that it mattered to me. It wasn't my problem, right? I was normal now. I had normal friends, and normal things to worry about, and Yeerks definitely didn't fall into the realm of normal.

And none of the other Animorphs were worried about it, so why should I be?

Except…I had reason even to doubt that. In the hallways at school, I had seen Melissa Chapman and Rachel walking together, Melissa babbling excitedly about the concert. Rachel and I had made eye contact, silent recognition over the potential danger.

And then we had realized that we weren't friends anymore, and her eyes had slid away from mine. She had turned back to Melissa and I had turned back to my locker. There was no point admitting to myself that I really missed Rachel. She'd been my best friend for what felt like forever, and there were moments when I felt a pang of melancholy.

But those were things that I wasn't supposed to be thinking about.

I left the kitchen and ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I walked into my room and shut the door quietly before sitting on my bed and picking up the phone. I dialed the ten digits that I now knew by memory.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Austin there?"

"Hey, Cassie, it's me." I could almost hear the smile in his voice.

"Hey! Um, hi. I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to, I don't know, do something tomorrow?"

"Like a date?" He teased.

"Like a rendezvous between friends," I corrected, and smiled when I heard him laugh. "I mean, if you're not busy."

"Well, I'll have to fit you in between doing nothing and reading _Crime and Punishment_—wait, I wasn't supposed to admit that. That makes me sound like a loser, doesn't it?"

"No more than usual," I joked.

"You always have a kind word for me, Cassie! But really, that sounds great. I'd talk more, but I've really got to study for this Pre-Cal test tomorrow."

"Okay, well, I'll…I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

I hung up, and noticed that there was a smile on my face. I liked talking to Austin. He made me forget about all the other stuff that I didn't like to think about.

Was I using him? Was he just a replacement? No, that couldn't be.

There were so many things these days that I didn't like to think about. Was that the price to pay for being "normal"?

What was "normal", anyway? I sure didn't feel normal. I felt tossed up and lost and found, all at once, like a mixture of things that shouldn't be put together. And it felt like all the questions I had didn't have answers, or maybe it was just that I didn't want to hear the answers.

The phone rang loudly beside my ear, jangling and disrupting my thoughts. _Probably Austin, _I thought, rolling my eyes, even though the thought made me grin.

"Hey," I said as I picked up the phone.

"Cassie?" _Definitely _not Austin's voice.

"…Dad?" I nearly whispered, overcome with a sudden paranoia that my mom would overhear the conversation.

"Yes, Cassie, it's me."

That was the last thing that had happened. Ever since our chance encounter at Starbucks, my father and I had been in communication with each other. It wasn't like I was doing anything wrong—he was my _dad_—but something about it felt wrong, like I was defying my mother and destroying her trust. But I wasn't. It was my parents that had the problem, my parents who weren't talking to each other. I was just caught up in it.

Right?

_I'm not doing anything wrong,_ I reminded myself. I'd repeated the phrase so much during the last two weeks that it had lost all meaning.

"Cassie, be calm and listen to all of this before you say anything, all right? Because I have a proposition, but I want to hear your opinion on it." My dad sounded nervous from the telephone in his hotel room.

"Okay," I whispered, even though my mom was all the way downstairs. _I'm not doing anything wrong. _

"Cassie, I'm moving."

_What?_

"And I want to know if you want to come with me."

Perhaps being "normal" wasn't as great as it had seemed before.


	9. Section 9: Realizations

**AN: **Shorter than I had wanted, but so necessary. This chapter is more than overdue--and I mean more in the content than in the actual time that it took to write it.

**Disclaimer: **If it was mine…well, let's not even go down that road.

**Warnings: **My own (or Austin's) interpretation of _Memento._

"Saudades. Or saudade; I'm not really sure which one. It's a great word, though. Portuguese." Austin was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. I liked it when he got like this; his liveliness was the perfect contrast to how stale I had been feeling lately.

"What's it mean?" I asked him. I brought my knees up to my chest and leaned back onto the sofa. Scenes from _Memento _played on the television in front of me.

"Longing. But a specific type of longing. Like for something that's gone, but that might come back, but that you know deep down probably won't come back." He reached for another handful of popcorn.

"It sounds sad."

"It _is_ sad. But there's also a little bit of hope in it too. I mean, there's gotta be some sort of meaning in the fact that you're still longing for it, right?" He suddenly fixed his eyes on the screen. "Oh this is an important part, listen!"

I closed my eyes for a moment. I was tired, but it wasn't as if I had been doing a lot lately. Was it possible to get tired from thinking too much? Because if it was, then perhaps I should be exhausted.

"I think I feel that sometimes," I said quietly.

"What?" Austin reluctantly dragged his gaze away from the screen, and I momentarily felt bad for disrupting him from his favorite movie.

"That feeling. What was it, saudade? Saudades?"

"Yeah."

"I think I have it." I rearranged my legs on the couch and sat cross-legged.

"I'm not surprised. You seem sad a lot." He threw some popcorn into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. "Why do you feel it?"

I reached for my cup and played with the condensation on the side of the glass. "I think," I started slowly, "I think because of my old friends."

Austin watched me, and waited for me to continue. I took a sip of my water and placed the cup down before continuing.

"I had these friends. We got into a…a fight. And now we don't talk anymore. And I think…I think that I miss them." I took a deep breath. I had finally admitted out loud what I had felt all along. "I miss them, but at the same time I feel like I might never be friends with them again."

"Why not?"

"…I don't know," I said quietly. I turned pointedly back to facing the screen. Austin got the hint and didn't ask any more questions, but I could see him glancing at me occasionally out of the corner of his eye.

I opened my mouth to speak just as the phone rang. Austin leaned over the back of the couch to check the caller ID. "It's my mom. Do you mind if I take this one?"

I shrugged and shook my head. "Go ahead. Take your time." He shot me a gracious smile and carried the phone out of the room. I heard his voice faintly saying, "Hello?" before he walked out of hearing range.

Austin's mention of his mom reminded me of my own mother, and I shifted uneasily in my chair upon thinking of her. I hadn't told her about my dad's offer yet. I knew that when I did tell her, her reaction would be less than enthusiastic.

Why hadn't I told her? Simple: because I knew she wouldn't like to hear what I had decided. But after all, what did I have here? Austin, some ex-friends, and an inter-galactic war that I no longer acknowledged. How amazing would it be to get to start all over again, create a new identity for myself, and truly leave everything behind me?

But if I left, how would it affect my mom? She would be devastated, crushed. And yet, if I stayed…wouldn't my dad react in a similar way?

It was a zero sum game, my own personal lose-lose situation. No one could be happy without someone else becoming upset, and vice versa. And I was just caught up in the tide. No matter what I did, someone would become hurt, and there wasn't anything I could do about that.

If I left, I was taking the easy way out. But the easy way out of what? I wasn't even fighting anymore. The only thing that was keeping me here was a strange sense of duty. The sense that I had a responsibility to something. But to what?

I couldn't even change anything. I wasn't an Animorph. I was hardly even Cassie anymore! If only I knew that I had the ability to change a single thing…maybe that would make things different. But I could hardly keep myself together; how was I supposed to keep anything else together as well?

But maybe this whole moving thing was a sign. Just as I had truly gotten sick of my life and admitted just how much things sucked, along came the offer of something new. Maybe this was my fate—if so, then it wasn't my fault. I was just swept along in it. And I'd be stupid to not accept the offer, right?

"Are you even paying attention to the movie? You missed the best part!" Austin's voice cut through my thoughts, startling me.

"Sorry," I apologized. "What'd I miss?" I looked up at the screen in time to see the credits begin to roll.

Austin groaned. "Cassie, you missed it! The most important part of the movie, and you missed it!"

I smiled sheepishly. "Uh…sorry?"

Austin shook his head and plopped down next to me. "You weren't even watching most of it, were you? Oh, man. Cassie, Cassie, Cassie. I can't believe you missed it!"

I felt obligated to ask, "What was it that I missed?"

"The entire point, Cassie. The fact that you define your own reality. That's the message of the movie. We define our own realities." He shook his head again and muttered to himself, "I can't _believe _you missed it."

Do you know how you have those moments where for a split-second, everything falls into place? It's like when you've finally gotten the answer to the math problem you've been working on, and it turned out that the answer was determined by the simplest method you could think of. Or like when you remember the name of that song title that you _always_ forget, and it comes on the radio at that moment.

That's what happened. Right then and there it all clicked, and everything fell into place, and everything became so perfect that I could hardly stand it…

"Oh my God."

Austin stretched out and patted me on the back. "See, I knew that it would sink in! Now you see why I made you watch it?"

…Because if we define our own reality, then who was to stop me from changing things?

…Because if I did have some amount of control over the things that happen, then that meant that I had the power I had been missing all along.

The Animorphs didn't break apart because of our dislike for one another. The Animorphs fell away from each other because we stopped believing in our ability to change anything.

And wasn't that the answer? Because all of a sudden—yes, there was a way out. There was a way to stop this thing, a way to break the cycle and not get swept along in the flow.

It was possible…it was more than possible, it was probable—and it was necessary—and I could, no, I _needed _to—

"Austin?" I jumped off the couch, and grabbed his hands. "Austin, I'm so sorry, but I—I have to go." I squeezed his hands and smiled and picked up my bag.

"But, Cassie, I didn't even get to ask—" he followed me to the door, speaking quickly. "Wait, Cassie, what's the matter?"

He was genuinely concerned for me, but he didn't understand. He didn't understand that I was more than myself right then, and I had finally figured out that I _did_ have a responsibility and now I knew who it was to, as well. "Austin, I'm sorry, but I have to leave. I have to do something."

"No, that's fine, it's just-" I smiled again—I wanted to laugh!—and opened the door and walked out of it. He followed after me again, and finally blurted out, "Cassie, will you go to the concert with me? Like, on a real date?"

Austin didn't understand, but at the same time, maybe he did. Because it was he who had led me to the conclusion. Maybe Austin understood more than I did. But Austin wasn't the only one, there was another who would understand this… At that moment, I was so happy and full of _purpose_ that I couldn't fathom saying no.

"Yes, of course!" And I was off. Somewhere in the distance I could hear Austin whooping wildly, but I was beyond it because I had things to do and time was running out.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I had a plan. I needed so much, and I needed to do so much, but right then I needed…

_Tobias._


	10. Section 10: Duty

Indifference should be a crime.

Think about history. Think how things would have changed if only people had refused to remain indulgent and indifferent and had simply stepped up and _done something._ Think about the Holocaust, think about genocides, think about mass injustices.

Indifference is humanity's greatest weakness.

It is my greatest weakness as well.

Because of my indifference, I had pushed back the truth. I had ignored my duty, my responsibility, and had insisted instead upon shoving upon myself something that had never been mine to begin with: "normalcy," or my claims of it.

Normalcy for me was my shield. I had claimed that I wanted normalcy; what I meant was that I wanted an excuse to not do what I was meant to do.

By virtue of having the morphing powers, I had had a responsibility thrust upon me. And it was my own responsibility to live up to the demands of that responsibility. It wasn't easy, but it was my duty. And—as I had discovered—when I didn't live up to my duty, there were consequences…consequences that most immediately and most drastically affected myself.

I was finally allowing myself to see the truth. Truth, like a cold wind—refreshing, but harsh.

_Do your duty, Cassie. _

I flew to Tobias' meadow.

I had a plan, but I needed help. It was impossible for me to carry it out on my own. For a variety of different reasons, I needed the help of another Animorph. And it had to be Tobias.

Not just because of the fact that he had more time than the rest of the Animorphs. Yes, that factored in, but it wasn't the dominant reason. There was more to it, more that I hoped Tobias would see and understand. Because if anyone could, it was him.

So I flew. I flew faster than I ever had, filled with adrenaline and nerves, and as I flew, I formulated the gist of my plan.

Even in my rush, and in my haze, I still reveled in the feeling of the night air. It had been so long since I morphed, and now, it felt amazing to be flying. There is no description in the world that can fully encapsulate the carelessness you feel in soaring across the sky. It's...liberating.

It should also be a crime to have an ability and to not use it. I wondered how it was that I had been able to completely block the morphing ability out of my life. It seemed ridiculous, now, as I flew. When I had given up the war, I had also given up one of the greatest gifts that I had ever received, a gift that was an integral part of me.

Basically, I had been an idiot. And now it felt like I had an opportunity to change all that, to return things to the way they were supposed to be, and maybe even save a few lives in the process.

_That's what this is about,_ I reminded myself. _Saving lives._ I had an obligation to the entire human race.

_But I'm not the only one,_ I reflected as I landed in Tobias' meadow. No, I wasn't the only one with this obligation. Not by a long shot.

I demorphed, more slowly than I had ever done before (who knew that morphing skills could deteriorate from lack of use?) and stood, surrounded only by trees. A girl in the forest, wearing a leotard and tight pants. _Very cool._

Maybe I hadn't thought this out well enough. Where could I start looking? And Tobias, when he wanted to be, could practically turn invisible; if he didn't want me to find him in the forest, than I simply wouldn't find him.

Well, there was only one way to do this. I took a deep breath and cupped my hands around my mouth. "TOBIAS!"

It was the loudest I had ever shouted in my life. I winced afterwards at the response—silence.

"TOBIAS!" I yelled again. "Tobias, where are you?" Stupid question. He was around here somewhere—he was a hawk, where else could he be? "Tobias, please!"

I was going to stay here, calling his name, until he answered. I would stay here all night if I had to, but I was _going to talk to him_.

"TOBIAS!" I bit my lip, frustrated. "Tobias, I know you're here! It's Cassie!" Obviously, he knew that. He was ignoring me on purpose, and I couldn't do anything. "Tobias, please! I need you!" I sat down on the ground, against a tree. "I need your help, Tobias."

I felt like I was talking to the air, but he was listening. He had to be. "Look, Tobias, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I kicked you out of the barn. I know it's my fault that everything got screwed up, so I'm just trying to fix it, okay?"

No answer. Just the wind, brushing against my face and taunting me.

"I want to fix it, but I can't do it without your help. Just talk to me. Give me five minutes." Now I was getting really annoyed. I pushed myself to my feet. "Just five minutes, Tobias! What will it hurt you to give me five minutes?"

(Already have,) was the response I heard in my head. I yelped and nearly jumped.

His voice sounded amused. (And you said you knew I was here). Amused, but harsh.

I tried to gather myself up again and surreptitiously glance around me, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Of course I couldn't see him; Tobias knew exactly how to blend in perfectly with the forest.

I took another deep breath. Moment of truth; everything was riding on the decision that would be made here. The decision that ultimately, only Tobias could make. "Tobias, I need your help."

(So I gathered.) The voice in my head was bland, empty.

"Okay. Okay," I calmed myself, tried to get my thoughts in order. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about what happened. I'm sorry for kicking all of you guys out and I'm even sorrier that after that I didn't do anything. But now—okay, well, now I think I've figured something out, something that can fix everything. And right now it's not about me, or…or even about you, or about any of us. It's about that Yeerk concert, and the fact that if something isn't done, then we are condemning countless people to becoming living slaves. We are putting them through—" I debated with myself on the next word before plunging on. "—torture. We're putting them through torture."

I stopped and waited for a response from him. A comment, a critique, a question, an insult, _anything._

I received nothing. I continued speaking and started pacing, only slightly discouraged. "We have to do something, Tobias. And I think…I think I have a plan. I think I have a plan, but I can't do it without you, Tobias. I need your help." I stopped speaking and moving and waited. I had said all I could.

Tobias waited before speaking. (Why?)

"What? Why…why what? What why?"

(Why me, Cassie? What makes you think that your speech affects me in the least?) He sounded lazy now, uncaring.

"You can't do it, Tobias," I stated boldly. "You're like me. You can't let those people be infested and not do anything to stop it." And there it was. The crutch of my plan, the fact that I needed help, depended on my analysis of Tobias' nature. If I was wrong in my perception…

Tobias let the silence stretch on before us, eternities long. When he spoke, it was to simply say, (Watch me).

My heart sunk. No, this couldn't be happening. My plan couldn't be doomed before it even began.

"No, Tobias. No. No! Don't you dare!" Or what? What could I threaten him with? "Tobias, you can't, you don't understand, you just…you just can't! You have to!" Was I pleading or was I yelling?

No response. No response, no response!

"I saved your life, Tobias!" I shouted, because there was still a chance that he hadn't flown away yet. "Do you remember? When you were sick, when everyone was sick, I saved your life! And in battle—and, and—when you first became a hawk, and—" This wasn't working. I was attacking him from the wrong angle.

"Do you remember how we found Ax?" I lowered my voice, because this was _it_, this was what would get him to do it. "It was you and I who were having the dreams, Tobias." I swallowed, and by now I was speaking so quietly that I wondered if he could hear me. "You're the only one who understands this. I can't explain it, but I _know_ you do. You owe it to me, and to yourself, and to Elfangor."

That was it. I had done all I could do. I waited for a response, waited and waited.

There is nothing like the moment when you are waiting for the thing that you want so much. Tension, excitement, dread, fear, and longing are all mixed together, fighting with each other and clawing at your insides, each wanting a way out but none finding one. It's scary, but there's something fantastical about it at the same time.

(You know how to play things, Cassie,) Tobias finally said, and my heart swelled and nearly burst because he was with me, he was going to help me, and now everything was possible again. (This won't work for the others, though.)

"I know," I replied, feeling giddy, as I sank to the ground. Relief. My eyes slid up to where he had suddenly appeared, a hawk with a rust-colored tail on the tree directly in front of me. "But I'll have you there to help me."


	11. Section 11: Attempts

"How old are you all? How old are you?" My teacher was having trouble keeping her voice down. She paced the room angrily, gesturing wildly. "At your age, and in this math class, you should _not_ still be having trouble with the quadratic formula!"

Students shifted in their chairs, uncomfortable yet amused by her exasperation.

She slammed a pile of papers down on her desk and spun around to face us. "These," she started, pointing to the papers, "are worksheets. These are worksheets that are filled with quadratic formula equations. You are going to do these worksheets, all three of them, both sides, for the rest of class. And if you don't finish, then you will do them for homework, _along with _your regular assigned homework on rational functions."

The entire class groaned in unison. She somehow managed to fix every single one of us with a death stare. "If you complain, I'll increase it to four worksheets. Don't think I'm joking with you all about this," She warned.

A student piped up quietly, "Can we do them in groups?"

The teacher waved her hand, irritated. "I don't care. All I care is that by the time the next test comes around, I had better not be seeing _any_ mistakes on the quadratic formula."

This was my chance. I had been trying to find a way to talk to Rachel, Jake, and Marco all day. I needed a way that wasn't suspicious, but that they couldn't ignore me with as well. If I could just get them to agree to my plan, and if Tobias could get Ax…

Well, everything would be _perfect._

Rachel was sitting down in her chair, waiting for someone to come to her (Rachel was Rachel—of course someone was going to come to her). Marco and Jake were standing up, looking like they were about to head for opposite sides of the room. I headed over to them. "Hey guys," I said, very clearly. "Will you be in my group?"

There was silence and tension, and then a moment when identical expressions of disbelief crossed all of their faces. It was enough to make me want to smile—if I hadn't been so nervous.

It was amazingly well-coordinated. None of them were in groups, so they didn't have a practical reason to deny my request unless they wanted to appear suspicious.

We pulled our desks together and sat in an awkward square, not a single one of us talking. They weren't going to make the first move—I had known that.

_Here goes. _"Could one of you explain number five? I know I should know how to do it, but I always get messed up when it comes to the imaginary numbers."

They all threw me distrusting looks. Rachel shook her hair and continued working, while Marco studied me, curiously and suspiciously. Jake cleared his throat. "Uh…I'll help you. What don't you understand?"

I slid my paper over in front of him and pointed to the problem. "I don't understand why grouping doesn't work on this now. I mean, usually when you group numbers together, they work out, right?"

Jake nodded, and began to speak, but I cut him off. "And yeah, I know that they sometimes don't work out, but you should keep on trying. And you should try in whatever way you can. And after awhile, you hope that you're doing it the right way even if you have no idea what you're doing."

Years of coding messages to one another meant that each of them knew exactly what I was saying. I continued, unfathomed by their silence.

"So I guess what I'm asking is…well, this is my second time trying this. I know that I made a mistake the first time I used grouping, but I think that it was because I really didn't know what I was doing. So maybe what I'm asking is why isn't it working? This is my second time, and I'm trying my hardest, so why isn't it working? It should be, and maybe it could be…" I stared at Jake, willing him to acknowledge what I was saying.

He avoided my eyes and looked at my paper. "I think," He began slowly, and even though he was watching the paper, I knew that he was speaking to me—just like I knew that Marco and Rachel were listening intently. "I think that you were doing it wrong." His voice was quiet, but study. "These numbers that you were trying to group…it may seem like they work, but they really don't go together at all." He set my paper down and slid it over to me, and only then did he look up at me.

Our eyes met for a split second, and that was enough to verify everything in his explanation.

His eyes were so tired, so empty, so cold.

"Oh," I mumbled. There's little that is worse than the feeling that you've tried your best but it wasn't good enough. "I just—I just thought…"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rachel bite her lip as she watched me. She glanced back down at her desk, then at me again. She didn't say anything.

Marco sighed, leaned back in his chair, and was silent as well.

We spent the rest of the period working on our worksheets individually.

* * *

"I tried," I told Tobias. "I really did. They…they don't want it." I leaned against the wall of the barn. Even with only the two of us, I still felt better just being in the barn. It was a return to normalcy, the type of normalcy that was right for me. After all, maybe there were different types of normal for everyone. 

(I couldn't find Ax,) Tobias told me. (A purple alien with four legs and a scorpion tail, and I couldn't find him. Where could he be?) He wondered, before answering his own question. (He's hiding somewhere, somewhere he knows I wouldn't think about to look for him).

I shrugged, but sighed determinedly. "Okay. So it's just us. That's all right, we'll just…we'll do something." I didn't know what to say. Things were still awkward between Tobias and me; we were now acting gingerly, as if we were afraid to say too much to each other.

(Why do you think it happened?) Tobias asked me. I already knew what he was referring to—what else could he be talking about?

"I don't know," I admitted. No, that wasn't exactly true. "Well…I have an idea, but I'm not really sure." I looked up at him, perched in the rafter. "I wish it hadn't, though."

Tobias rearranged his wings. (I guess it happens to any group. But, for some reason, I always thought that we were immune.)

"We always think that we're immune."

(Yeah,) Tobias agreed. (We always think that things will work out for us. Sometimes they don't.) I nodded. (So what makes you think your plan will work?)

I had filled Tobias in on my plan right after he had decided to help me in the forest. It wasn't perfect—the opposite, actually. There were hundreds of opportunities for something to go wrong, and both of us knew it.

"Nothing," I confessed to him. "I have no idea if it will work, or if it even makes sense. We're taking a risk here. But at least there are two of us."

Tobias stayed quiet for awhile. Then he said, (You were right, you know.)

"What about?"

(About what you said when you came to find me the other day. I couldn't let those people be infested and have to go through—) His voice faltered and became steady once more. (—through living torture. You found my weakness.) He laughed wryly.

"It's not a weakness," I told him. "We care—that's _strength_. Me and you, we're the strong ones, Tobias." It was something that I had just figured out recently, but I was sure of it. How else could it be that out of all the Animorphs, it was I who had ended up with this? How else could it be that only Tobias had agreed to help me? This was why Erek had trusted me from the beginning, this was why it was my duty. I cared, and Tobias did as well.

He didn't say anything for a few moments. (Maybe,) He conceded, but I could hear the smile and acknowledgement in his voice and it brought a grin to my face.

"Yeah," I said, and suddenly things were fine between us. "Yeah."

"Cassie?"

I already knew who it was from the voice. He was right on time, as I had expected.

"Hey, Erek."

He strode into the barn, right over to me, and looked me in the eyes. That was one thing about Erek; he was never hesitant to look someone dead-on in the face.

"So, you're back?" He asked, though he knew the answer.

I nodded. "I'm back. But not just me." I nodded towards the rafters, and Erek's gaze followed mine.

"Good to see you again, Tobias."

(Likewise.)

Erek's face turned serious. "Where are the others?"

I shrugged, looked away, and forced myself to glance back at him. "They're not here. They won't be coming…not this time."

The look on his face was asking, _Will they ever come?_

Neither Tobias nor I answered the unspoken question. Neither of us knew the answer.

Erek cleared his throat. "Moving on to logistics. What do you need from us? The Chee will always be willing to help you, however we can. You know that."

Tobias and I exchanged looks. Would he agree to it? He had to.

"Are you still a part of The Sharing, Erek?"

He looked at me, and then quickly shot a glance at Tobias as well. "Yes, I am."

I cleared my throat. "Good."

Erek was smart. A simple question had been almost enough for him to understand what we needed from him. "So I'll be volunteering to help with the concert." He nodded, and grinned amusedly. "Should I be preparing to…" rock out" at a concert?"

I laughed. "You bet."

* * *

Less than twenty minutes later, Erek had left. The minute that he walked out the door, Tobias spoke to me. (What about Austin?) 

"What?"

His voice was smug. (You know, Austin? Your semi-boyfriend?)

I stared incredulously at him. "Stalker!"

(Only within reason,) he replied, and if he was in human morph I was sure that he would have been smirking.

I rolled my eyes. "What about him?" Realization dawned upon me quickly. "Crap! I'm going to the concert with him!"

Suddenly Tobias' voice turned serious. (Cassie…is he a controller?)

It hit me then that I hadn't even thought to consider it. Of course Austin couldn't be a human-controller. He was…he was _Austin._ He was much too much like himself to be a controller.

(You don't know,) Tobias said, not quite accusingly.

"He's not," I told him. "He can't be a controller, it just wouldn't make sense."

(Because you don't want it to make sense?) _Yes._

I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by the new prospect that I had been too stupid to consider. "You're right. Oh, crap. What if he is? How did I miss that? How did I not even remember to check?" I bit my lip. "I hope he's not." Because if he was…no, I couldn't even consider it. "He can't be….he…he can't." I looked to Tobias to answer the questions that he didn't know. "Tobias, do you…do you think he is?"

Tobias' lack of response said enough.


	12. Section 12: Days

**Five days before the concert **

"Cassie, there's a phone call for you." My mother's voice was stiff, and its rigid quality immediately clued me in to who it was. I involuntarily grimaced and took the phone.

"Hello?"

"Cassie? It's me." My dad didn't sound too happy from across the phone line. "Have you made up your mind?"

For a moment, my mind blanked. Made up my mind about what? About whether or not I should cancel my arrangements to go to the concert with Austin? About just how many times I could ask before Jake, Marco, and Rachel would come back and help Tobias and me? About where Ax could be found? About whether or not my plan would even work?

"Cassie, are you there? Did you hear me? Have you decided about what I told you about moving?"

_Oh, yeah._ "Oh, no, Dad. I'm sorry, I'm, uh, still thinking about it."

He sighed. "Figure it out soon, okay, Cassie? I need to know." He sighed once more, and I could picture him apprehensively scratching his hair, one of his usual nervous habits. "I think this could be a real good opportunity for you, Cass. You could get away, start over again. But you need to decide soon, okay?"

"Okay, Dad. I will."

"Great. Oh, and Cassie?" His voice held a trace of uneasiness in it. "How's your mom doing?"

As soon as I hung up the phone, my mother pounced. "What did he say? Where is he calling from?"

I calmly walked past her and towards the stairs. "Nothing, Mom. I don't know."

"Cassie! Don't you walk away from me! Come back here! What did your father have to say? Has he been telling you things about me?"

"No, Mom. Don't worry."

"Cassie!" By now I was at the top of the stairwell. She stood at the bottom, hands on her hips, brow furrowed. "Cassie, what did he say to you?"

I looked back down at her, and from the top of the stairwell she seemed so far away. She looked like she was about to cry, and it hurt to know that I was contributing to that. "Mom, don't worry. He just wanted to ask me something. I need to do my homework, okay?" I didn't wait for an answer before retreating to my room.

_It's not really lying_, I tried to tell myself. _I'm protecting her. _

**Four days before the concert**

"So, Cassie, you excited about it?" Austin waltzed up to my locker, grinning hugely.

"Huh? Excited about what?" I asked distractedly.

I had reason to be distracted. There were so many things on my mind, so many thoughts and ideas and plans and propositions and concerns bouncing around my brain.

His face fell. "The concert, Cassie! What else?" He shook his head, appalled that the concert hadn't been the first thing on my mind. In actuality, it had, just not in the way that he would have suspected.

Austin leaned back against the locker next to mine as I concentrated on getting the right books out of my locker. "Hey, Cassie, do you want to stop by my house before it? We can hang out, ya know? Or should I pick you up?"

I slammed my locker and tried not to think about the fact that Austin, my new friend and almost-boyfriend, really could be a slimy slug controlling a boy who could possibly be a potentially hapless victim. Thinking stuff like that can really turn you off from a guy. "I'd love to, but I really can't. I have to baby-sit my neighbor before the concert. I'm lucky that I can even go at all."

It wasn't lying, it was just expanding the truth. I had babysat my neighbor last week, and that was technically _before_ the concert.

He tried for a smile, despite his obvious disappointment. "It's okay. I mean, at least you're going, right? We can meet up there." As we began to walk down the arm, he slung an arm around my shoulders, and I subconsciously leaned into him.

_Wait. Possible Yeerk! _I shrugged away from his loose grasp. "Oh, I forgot! I have a teacher to talk to. I'll see you later, okay Austin?" I was halfway down the hall before he had a chance to even respond. I didn't want to see his face, unhappiness written all over it.

_It's not really lying, _I tried to tell myself as I sped down the hallway. _It's just being careful. _

**Three days before the concert**

"Hey. Cassie." I was sitting in the cafeteria by myself, scarfing down my lunch, when I heard my voice called. It was the last person I would have expected to be talking to me at all, let alone calling my name across the lunchroom.

I turned in the direction of the voice and saw Rachel striding across the cafeteria. She sat down right next to me and carelessly tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Hey," She said.

"Uh…hey. How're you?" _Considering that we haven't talked in forever and I miss you but I don't think that I'll ever be allowed to tell you that?_

"Good." She fixed her icy blue eyes on mine. "Remember that math problem you were talking about the other day?"

My face must have looked as blank as my mind was, because she sighed impatiently. "The one on grouping, Cassie. Grouping."

_Click. _"Oh, yeah. What about it?" I took a slow bite of my sandwich, waiting.

She tilted her head to the side and smirked. "I think I found a way to make the problem work. It turns out Jake was wrong. Some of the numbers _do_ go together."

I nearly choked on my sandwich. "Really? I thought that they wouldn't ever go together."

She laughed in her typical crazy-Rachel fashion, and I couldn't help but smile as well. "Well, you were wrong."

I swallowed the sandwich to prevent further obstruction of my esophagus. "Come over to the barn tomorrow around six, and maybe you can show me how the problem works."

"I'll be there." Her eyes weren't nearly as icy as they had been when she sat down. She looked down at my jeans, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Going for the high-water look, Cassie? That's been out of style for decades."

I wanted to hug her, but instead I just laughed. "You know me."

She nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I do, huh?" Without awaiting a response, she sauntered away.

The smile stayed on my face for the rest of the lunch period.

**Two days before the concert**

(Cassie?) Tobias' grim thought-speak in my head jolted me out of my daydreaming in English class. (Cassie, it's for sure. I saw him going into the mall entrance. Austin's a controller.)

I didn't say anything, didn't move from my position or exclaim out loud. And though the charcoal-scribbled heart that had been forming on my paper was left half-shaded, I told myself that I didn't mind, that I hardly knew or cared about Austin anyway.

There are only so many times that you can lie to yourself before even you start to not believe it.


	13. Section 13: Reunion

**AN: If you're still reading this, I owe you a sincere and immediate "Thank You!" as much for your support of this story as for your dedication when it came to reviewing. It's strange, trying to get back into the mindset of me-from-nine-months-ago and me-from-three-years-ago, but I promise you, this story will be finished (relatively) soon, and in the next few chapters the action will be building up. Now, here we go, and let's hope we won't ever again need one of these long "I'm-back-and-I'm-sorry" author notes. **

* * *

There's this train of thought that says that you'll act in a manner that is imposed upon you by others. So if people tell you that you're smart, then you'll act smart, until eventually you really _are _smart. 

I didn't know if that was true or not, but I had decided to believe in it. And maybe, just maybe, if I acted enough like a leader, then I could become one.

"So." I paced very carefully throughout the barn, weaving between cages as I practiced what I would say. "We've got a mission, guys. And I know that we can do it if we all just work hard and do what we're supposed to. So, let's go out tomorrow and do what we need to do. Okay?"

"Cassie, who are you talking to?" I spun around to see my mom standing at the door of the barn, an amused smile on her face.

"I'm rehearsing lines for this play we're doing in English class," I told her easily. I hated how easily I could lie to her, but that didn't stop me from taking advantage of it.

"Oh," She said. She stood at the door, looking at me, and I stood in the barn, looking at her, and our customary awkwardness settled in. Suddenly, we both began speaking at the same moment.

"Cassie, I think we need to-"

"Look, Mom, I really don't have time to-"

Both of us stopped. "You first," She said.

I knew exactly what she was going to say. She was going to ask if we could talk, if we could sit down and work through this huge wall between us so that we could go back to how we used to be.

And it made me feel horrible, but I didn't want to work through it. I didn't want to have to deal with all the things that were preventing us from talking to each other. I wanted to just focus on the one big thing that was coming closer with each second: The Sharing's concert tomorrow.

"Mom, I really can't talk right now. Rachel's about to come over, and we have some pre-cal problems to work on that are going to take awhile. Maybe, uh, tomorrow?"

She frowned. She knew as well as I did that I wasn't going to be home tomorrow. She knew that this was my way of avoiding it. "Sure, Cassie, that'd be…fine." She turned to walk back into the house, and then stopped and faced me once more. "Did you say that Rachel was coming over?"

I nodded, hoping that she wouldn't want to stay around and talk with her. "Yeah, she is."

"It's been awhile since she's come over, hasn't it? Did you two have a disagreement or something?"

The understatement of the century.

"Sort of." She waited around after I spoke, as if expecting me to elaborate. But what more could I say?

"Oh," She said, once she realized that I was done speaking. "Oh, well, I think I hear the phone ringing. Let me go pick it up."

The phone wasn't ringing, and we both knew it. I winced as she left and the door swung shut behind her. Why did it feel like in order for one part of my life to start straightening out, another part had to be disintegrating?

(Harsh,) I heard a voice say in my head. I sighed and glared at Tobias, who was sitting in his usual spot in the rafters. (Sorry,) He said sheepishly.

"Yeah, well…." I said, and rubbed my forehead tiredly. "Everything will work out when this stupid concert is done with."

(Okay,) Tobias said doubtfully. I knew what he was implying. There was no way that all the discarded pieces of my life would fall right back into place without any effort on my part.

"Oh, Tobias!" I suddenly remembered. "Rachel's coming!"

(What?)

"I talked to her yesterday in school. I'm sorry, I forgot about it until right now. But she's coming back."

(What do you mean, 'coming back'?)

"She's joining us. She's going to fight with us."

"Who's going to fight with us?" Rachel asked as she entered the barn. You know how some people just enter and it's as if the entire mood of the room has changed? That was what it was like. Both Tobias and I turned to stare at Rachel, who stood in the barn with her hands propped on her hips, looking like a model.

"Uh…you. We're the us," I said stupidly.

But Rachel furrowed her brow. "We?"

And then I felt like double the idiot, because of course she didn't know who "we" and "us" were. "Um-"

But I didn't have to say anything, because Rachel's eyes swept up to the rafters, where they locked on Tobias.

"Oh," She said.

Uh-oh. I hadn't thought about Rachel and Tobias in terms of _Rachel and Tobias_ at all. I hadn't even considered that things might be uncomfortable when the two spoke to each other again. I remembered my supposed position as a "leader" and opened my mouth to say something about how we should set aside our personal problems and focus on the task ahead of us, but I couldn't. I felt like a kid pretending to be one of the big-time bosses of corporations on television.

Tobias swooped down from the rafters and landed on the floor of the barn, where he rapidly began morphing to human.

I stepped back and decided that I would let the two of them work things out by themselves. Mainly because I had no idea what to do.

When Tobias was completely human, Rachel took a step towards him. Her eyes regarded him coolly, but her voice betrayed her when she spoke. "Tobias."

"Rachel."

There was a long moment of tense quietness in the barn, where I felt like something had just happened and it had gone completely over my head.

"You didn't-"

"Because _you_ wouldn't-"

And suddenly I got the uncomfortable feeling that maybe I shouldn't be here for this. And yet, there was no way for me to leave without it causing an unnecessary disturbance. Besides, where would I go? Back to the house, so I could be uneasy with my mom?

"I can't help it if I _care._"

"You know it has to be like thi-"

"It doesn't have to be, Tobias; that's the point!"

"It _does._"

They were stepping closer to one another, and Rachel's eyes weren't nearly as chilled as they had been before. I glanced up at the ceiling, at the floor, at the wall, at the animal's cages, anywhere but at the two people in front of me.

Tobias' voice dropped, but it was still loud enough for me to hear it. "I can't do that."

I crossed and uncrossed my arms. Played with my necklace, brushed imaginary dirt off my clothes.

And Rachel said, very quietly, "I know." And then, so quietly that I wasn't sure if I heard it or not, "I'm sorry."

I _knew_ what was going to come next, and even if it made me look like a loser who got embarrassed far too easily, I had to let them know that I was still there. I cleared my throat. "Uh, guys?"

That seemed to snap them out of their trance. Tobias turned around to face me, and Rachel switched her gaze from him to me. They looked at me expectantly, and I blanched as I realized that I had nothing to say.

"Just…yeah," I muttered, casting my eyes downward and still feeling stupid.

Rachel raised an eyebrow at me, but she turned back to Tobias and pushed him affectionately. "That still didn't mean that you had to stop coming by."

Tobias' face was as blank as it usually was when he was in human morph, but his voice sounded guilty. "I didn't know if you were mad at me."

"I was," Rachel told him point-blank. But then she grinned. "Wimp." But there was no menace in her voice as she smiled at him, and he returned it warmly.

I cleared my throat again, but this time I did have something to say. "So, the mission."

Rachel perked up. "You have no idea how much I've missed hearing someone say that."

I grinned at her. "Maybe we have _some _idea."

She looked back at me, understanding and her typical Rachel-smile on her face. "So what's the deal?"

"Okay," I began. Tobias and Rachel trained their eyes on me. "So the concert's tomorrow. According to Erek, the Yeerks are definitely going to be trying some sort of infestation thing there. He doesn't know exactly what and where, but as soon as he figures it out, he'll let us know."

"When will that be?" Rachel asked. Tobias only nodded; he already knew what the plan was.

"At the concert. Preferably towards the beginning. That's where we're all going to meet, too." I made eye contact with both of them, and then continued. "As soon as Erek finds out, he'll find a way to tell you and Tobias. You two will be with each other, at least in the beginning. Tobias will thought-speak the location and logistics to me, and we'll all meet in the back of the school. Erek should be leaving the door open. We'll figure out the rest there."

"And by "figure out" you mean…"

"Distraction," Tobias answered for me. "Distract and infiltrate."

Rachel laughed. "Okay. I can go for that." She glanced between the two of us. "When did you guys figure all of this out?"

I shrugged. "We've had a little bit of time."

"It was mostly Cassie," Tobias interjected. "I just helped with some of the details."

Rachel gave me an approving look before pointing out, "Would have been hard to pull off with just the two of you."

I shrugged again. "We were going to go with luck."

"Lots of luck," Tobias added.

I nodded. I was just glad that Rachel hadn't thought to ask about why I wouldn't be with her and Tobias. I didn't feel like bringing up Austin. Tobias seemed to have picked up on my reluctance to talk about him, because I noticed that he hadn't mentioned Austin's name either.

"What we really need to focus on now," Rachel said, eyeing my overalls, "is what you're going to wear to the concert. I'm thinking lots of black, and maybe-"

"Hey, Rachel?" I blurted out, interrupting her. "I'm glad you're back."

She didn't say anything, just grinned at me. And it was true; things felt just better with Rachel around. We weren't a full group, but we were more like one than before. And I felt good—maybe it was Rachel's always-present confidence, or maybe it was the way that she and Tobias would share glances when they thought I wasn't looking, or maybe just the happiness I felt at not being the only one up against The Sharing. I didn't know what it was, but something made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could do this thing. _We_ could do this thing.

"Rachel," I asked, unable to keep the ridiculous grin off my face. "Would you care to do the honors?"

Her eyes lit up, and Tobias smiled. She looked at both Tobias and me, savoring the moment, and then there was that reckless tone that I had missed so much. "Let's do it."


	14. Section 14: Action

"And I'm dying! And you're crying! But it's because you were lying! Yeah, yeah, yeah!!"

Loud music. Really, _really_, bad lyrics. And lots of people everywhere, brushing sweaty arms against each other and laughing and drinking cokes and eating snacks and chattering excitedly about the next band that was coming up.

The teachers who were chaperones-of-sorts were looking as if their pay was not worth enough for this. The guy beside me was whispering about spiking drinks. The girl on my other side was swooning over the lead singer of the current band, a guy who was shouting into the microphone while the drummer raged on behind him.

And then there was me, standing with my arms crossed and trying to look like I was having a good time. I was hovering by all the food, cringing as the singer's voice would break mid-scream. This was where Austin and I had agreed to meet each other.

I was nervous, and definitely on edge. Tonight was when everything would happen. Rachel and Tobias were around somewhere, probably inside, where another band was playing. I had caught a glimpse of Erek with some other members of The Sharing. He had been wearing the same thing as all the other Sharing kids, a red shirt with the words "I'm with the band" printed on it on the back and The Sharing's logo on the front.

"And I'm sighing! And you're still crying! But don't worry, baby, soon we'll be flying!" I winced when I heard the lyrics, and stared in astonishment at all the kids who were jumping up and down, screaming and waving their hands in the air. I didn't get it.

I reached out gingerly for a bottle of water (nothing could have happened to bottled water, right?) and widened my eyes when I caught glimpse of someone.

Marco. Standing a good deal of space away from me, talking with some girl. She actually didn't look like she was annoyed by him, so maybe Marco was actually having success with a girl. Still, I was shocked to see him there.

I thought back to that day—it felt so long ago—when we had all talked about the concert. Marco must have decided that he would go, just in case something happened. And if Marco had decided that he should go, than did that mean that Ax was here, too? Maybe not, but it almost certainly meant that _Jake_ would be here.

Had he seen me? Had they seen Rachel or Tobias? There were lots of people here, so the chances were pretty good that he probably hadn't seen them.

The thing though, was that I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted him to see me. And more importantly, whether or not I wanted to see him. Why were things so complicated? Why couldn't things have been simple, like the stupid lyrics to the stupid song that was _still _playing?

I took a sip of my water and shrunk back away from the table. Even though it was reasonably dark outside, there were plenty of candle-lit lanterns littered all around and hanging from trees and sitting on tables. It wouldn't be that hard for Jake to see me. I decided that I would deal with that issue if the time came.

"Whoa, Cassie. Looking good." I nearly jumped a foot in the air when I heard the voice beside my ear. Austin looked alarmed. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No," I babbled. "I just, you know, the music, and…hey," I breathed, trying to calm myself down. "Uh, you look good, too."

He grinned. "No need to lie."

I opened my mouth to respond, but suddenly the lead singer of the band shouted, extra-loudly, into the microphone. "I'M STILL TRYING, AND YOU'RE STILL CRYING, BUT NOW I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!"

Austin and I both flinched simultaneously. He said something to me, but I couldn't hear it over the whining of the electric guitar.

"What?" I shouted.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the speakers, towards the middle of the area that we were outside of. "I said, those are really terrible lyrics."

"Yeah," I agreed, wondering why I was unable to get my mind off of the fact that he was touching my arm. Wait, what?

I reminded myself sternly that Austin was a controller. A disgusting grey slug was controlling his every movement. It wasn't Austin who was touching my arm, it was a Yeerk.

With that thought, I pulled my arm out of his grasp. "Think I'm going to go get some food," I told him, as the lead singer announced that this next song was "really personal, but I think you're gonna like it."

"Let me get it for you," Austin insisted.

"No, that's fi-" He was already gone. I sighed, frustrated, and wondered why Rachel and Tobias weren't in contact with me yet. Was it really so hard for Erek to figure out where the Yeerks were operating and then get in touch with Rachel and Tobias so that Tobias could thought-speak me and then we could all come together and enact the rest of the plan?

Okay. Maybe I needed to be more patient.

"I've been patient for so long! That's why I'm singing this song! And I wish that you would come along, and then I wouldn't feel so wrong!"

They were officially the worst band ever. And the fact that I was starting to tap my foot along was _not_ supporting that proclamation at all.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I brought back a few things." Austin suddenly appeared in front of me, and I willed myself not to jump in surprise.

I couldn't help but stare, though, when I saw his plate. He had loaded the plate with just about one of everything that was on the food table. At my expression, he hurriedly said, "I tried to put one of the brownies on there, but there wasn't any room. Sorry."

"Uh, that's okay." I told him. I reached out and very carefully took a carrot. I hadn't actually been hungry; I had just wanted an excuse.

(Cassie!) This time I did jump when I heard the voice in my head.

"Are you okay?" Austin asked, at the same time that Tobias said, (Erek says that he thinks he has an idea of where the Yeerks are planning…well, where they're planning whatever it is that they're planning. I'll keep you updated when he knows for sure.)

"What?" I asked Tobias, forgetting that he wasn't even near me and couldn't hear what I had said.

"I said, are you okay? Cassie, you look a little out of it today." Austin had such a worried expression on his face.

"I'm fine," I told him. "Uh, wanna dance?" It was the first thing that came to my mind.

I expected him to give me a strange look for asking him to dance to music that was of the screaming-rock variety. But instead, he nodded eagerly. "Sure!" He set the plate of food down on the ground without a thought and we headed off towards the massive group of kids huddled in front of the make-shift stage.

It turned out that "dancing" really meant "jumping up and down." Austin and I could at least jump to the beat of the song, so we were doing better than half of the kids there.

"Eight-Car Pileup is coming up!" The guy next to me shouted. "They're even better than these guys!"

"Great!" I shouted back, actually shocked to discover that this was kind of fun. I was jumping up and down with a mass of other kids, right beside the controller that I had a sort-of crush on, in the midst of an undercover operation in which I was supposed to be preventing parasitic aliens from coming that much closer to taking over the world. And I was having a good time.

(Cassie!)

"Yeah?" I screamed back, forgetting again that Tobias wasn't near me.

"What?" Austin shouted.

(Come meet us as soon as you can!)

"What?"

"Yeah?" Austin yelled as he jumped up.

(We're at the back of the school. We'll be waiting.)

"Okay!" I shouted back to him. By now, it didn't matter whether or not he could hear me; it wasn't like anyone else could hear me either.

"Cool!" Austin shouted at me. And I nodded and we hopped some more as I tried to figure out how I could nicely ditch Austin to meet up with Rachel and Tobias.

As the song started dying down, I grabbed Austin's hand and pulled him away from the crowd. "Hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom, okay?"

He nodded. "And you'll come back out here, right?"

"Yeah. Just wait for me. I'll be back before you know it." I gave him what I hoped was a trustworthy smile. It must have passed, because he squeezed my hand right before he let it go.

I headed back inside, wondering simultaneously what a hand-squeeze meant and how long I could take before Austin would start to get suspicious. I could probably use the excuse that the bathrooms had long lines, but I still didn't have too much time.

I made my way through the crowd that was inside of the school. If anything, there were more people inside than outside. And though these people weren't jumping up and down to the band that was inside, they were singing along loudly. I slipped through the crowd and had almost made it to the door when I felt someone touch my arm.

I whipped around and there he was. Jake.

"Hey, Cassie," He said. It felt strangely comforting to hear his voice again.

"Jake!" I felt so guilty, but there was really no time to talk. I had to get to Rachel and Tobias and back without Austin suspecting a thing. "I've gotta go!"

"Cassie, just-"

"Later!" I pushed the door open and nearly ran out. Only a few students were loitering out in the hallway. They took no notice of me as I walked by them casually. I made my way through the other hallways of the school until I was at my destination. I glanced around quickly before cautiously opening the back door to the school. Rachel and Tobias looked up at me.

"About time," Rachel hissed, but without malevolence. "Who was that guy you were jumping around with outside?"

"Not now," I told her. I was still feeling guilty about leaving Jake so quickly, but I pushed it out of my mind. "What did Erek tell you?"

"They're doing a "Meet the Band" thing," Tobias said. "After Eight-Car Pileup plays, they're going to let people meet them in the room back behind the stage. That's where they'll infest them."

"How are they going to choose who gets to meet them?" I asked.

Tobias shrugged. "We don't know. We just know that it can't be too many kids at a time. And that the kids who _do_ go back to meet the band are coming back as controllers."

My thoughts was racing. "Wait, Eight-Car Pileup? I heard they were good."

Rachel gave me a _look._ "Yeah, and they're also controllers. We need to get to that room before the band does. We need that distraction."

A thought suddenly came to mind as I remembered jumping around outside. "Mash!"

Rachel and Tobias stared at me. "What?"

"Mash! One of those things that people do at concerts…you know, a mash pit!"

Rachel gave me her _you're an idiot_ look. "_Mosh_ pit, Cassie. A mosh pit."

"Whatever," I told her, ignoring how my cheeks were heating up with embarrassment. "Tobias, can you start a mosh pit?" He began to stutter, but I spoke over him. "And Rachel, you morph cat and scope out the room. We'll meet again somewhere." I glanced at my watch. "I need to get back to Austin." I started to run off, back into the school, and then I turned around again. "Rachel—just _scope out_ the room, okay? Nothing crazy. Tobias, don't let her do anything."

"What, while I'm moshing?" Tobias asked hotly, while Rachel exclaimed indignantly at anyone stopping her from doing anything.

Back inside the building, I sprinted through the halls and past the band and back outside, to the front of the school, where Austin and the other band were.

"What took you so long?" Austin asked. But he actually sounded concerned.

"Lots of people in there," I lied. "Hey, it's a little humid out. Want to go inside?"

He shrugged. "Okay, sure. Anyway, I hear that a band that's actually _good_ is going to be playing inside." Yeah, he would want to go inside. I reminded myself that he was a Yeerk. I needed to keep that in mind.

"Eight-Car Pileup?" I asked innocently.

Austin-the-Yeerk nodded. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Oh, everyone's talking about it."

We walked into the building just in time to hear someone announcing the arrival of "The newest local sensations, who are on their way to becoming a national favorite: Eiiiiiight-Car Pileup!"

It seemed as though all the people who had been outside with us had flooded into the cafeteria to listen to Eight-Car Pileup, because all of a sudden kids were screaming and jumping and cheering. I clapped a few times and scanned the crowd for Rachel or Tobias.

A raucous drum beat began, so loud that I felt like my skin was vibrating. Next to me, Austin was nodding his head along, and the crowd was beginning to get hyped. Next came in a guitar, and I was surprised to find that this band was pretty good.

It figured that the Yeerks would infest the good ones.

Against all that I had learned about decibels in physics, the music seemed to be getting exponentially louder.

And then I saw it. A flash of movement, and suddenly people weren't jumping anymore. They were pushing each other, and shoving the people next to them, and slamming into one another. It was completely crazy mayhem, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I watched a teacher who dared to march up and stop the wildness get sucked into the mosh pit herself.

I couldn't see Rachel sneaking into the room, but I hoped that was a good thing and that she was being extra careful. It would be more than a little odd if someone saw a cat hanging out at the school, checking out one of the rooms.

(I'm in!) Rachel cried. (Whoa, it's really dark in here.)

(I'm getting stepped on by some kid who weighs like four-hundred pounds!) Tobias grumbled from the mosh pit. (Seriously, how is he in high school?)

"Cassie, wanna mosh?" Austin-the-Yeerk asked excitedly. It was one of the weirdest questions I had ever been asked. "This band's great! I heard that they might be talking to some people after they play through their set!"

How could Austin be a Controller? It didn't make sense. He was just too nice.

(Okay, I've got an idea of what the place looks like,) Rachel said grimly. (Not the best idea, but I think I get what they're trying to do.)

"No," I tried not to sound distracted as I replied to Austin's query about moshing. As I replied to Austin-the-Yeerk. "No, but you can go ahead without me."

He shook his head. "We're supposed to be here together, remember?" He grinned at me.

(I can't go much further in, anyway. I'd need a smaller morph. I was just lucky that they were all distracted so they didn't notice Fluffer hanging out in the room.) Rachel thought-spoke.

Of course! I'd forgotten that people would be in there. Cat had been a dumb choice of morph; we were lucky that Rachel hadn't gotten caught.

Austin-the-Yeerk seemed crestfallen at my lack of response. "Cassie? Look, I'm sorry if I've been forcing myself on you. If you're not interested, then-"

"Cassie!" Marco appeared on my other side out of nowhere. He lowered his voice so that I could just barely hear. "What's going on? I saw you, Tobias, and Rachel outside. What's happening?" He noticed Austin, who was eyeing Marco and I, trying to figure out what the…nature of our relationship was. "Who are you?"

(I'm coming out of the room,) Rachel told us. (I've seen enough.)

"I'm Austin," Austin-the-Yeerk replied.

"Cassie, what the hell?" Marco looked at me as though I had betrayed him personally when he noticed how closely Austin was standing to me. Only Marco could make me feel glad that he was speaking to me and then completely annoyed with how discerning he was.

"Don't even start," I said. "Are you with me or not?"

Marco just looked at me. "Yeah," He said finally.

"He's with you?" Austin asked, hurt and bewildered. "This whole time, Cassie, I thought-"

"No, Austin!" I exclaimed, frustrated by everything that was happening. "I-"

Marco was apparently still unable to resist any type of joke, regardless of the situation. "Oh yeah, Cassie and I are actually engaged," He told Austin-the-Yeerk, obviously enjoying how upset it made him.

"No, we're not!" I countered.

(Cassie, Tobias, meet me at the back. I've got stuff to tell you.)

(Aah! I don't think I'm ever getting out of this moshing!)

"Cassie…please, just be honest, are you with him?" Austin, no, _Austin-the-Yeerk_ said. Marco was an idiot for confusing him.

"She is," Mark said with a straight face. "Marriage is in three months."

(A.S.A.P, guys.)

"Cassie…?"

"Just-" This was too much, and I needed to get away and meet with Rachel and Tobias and bring Marco along without making Austin suspicious. So I did the first thing I thought of, and I leaned forward and kissed Austin-the-Yeerk.

"Whoa," Marco said. "The engagement is definitely off."


	15. Secton 15: Plans

While Austin/Austin-the-Yeerk was still reeling from the kiss, I grabbed Marco's arm and pulled him towards me. "I'll be back," I promised Austin. "Stay here."

I didn't stay to look at his expression. I pulled Marco along with me and plunged us straight into the mosh pit.

"Cassie, what are you doing?" He shouted. I could barely hear him.

"Easiest way!" I shouted back. I couldn't hear anything he said after that, but I was sure it was along the lines of how making an exit through a mosh pit was probably one of the most difficult ways out, _not_ one of the easiest. But what Marco didn't understand was that I needed to be certain that Austin/Austin-the-Yeerk wouldn't follow me.

I held tight to Marco as we shoved our way through the loud, sweaty, people all around us. We pushed people out of our way, tried our best to not get trampled, and eventually made it out to the other side.

Marco took a deep breath. "Cassie, you have the most warped sense of "easy" that I've ever heard of."

I ignored him and let go of his arm and we made our way walking at a quick-but-not-too-quick-lest-it-be-suspicious pace. We reached the door to the back of the school in good time.

"This door's never open," Marco reminded me.

I shook my head. "It is when you have Erek helping you." I twisted the knob of the door and it opened easily. He smiled wryly and shook his head.

"Well, lead the way."

Outside, Rachel and Tobias were hiding behind a wall, supposedly in case it wasn't us who came out. They looked surprised when they saw Marco right beside me.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel blurted out.

"Nice to see you too, Rachel," He said smoothly, and he nodded in similar acknowledgement at Tobias.

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

He shrugged. "I should be asking you guys that. You're the ones who have been running around all evening like you're on some top-secret mission." He shot me a look. "Are you?"

Tobias answered grumpily. "Yeah. It involves throwing yourself into certain death by practically begging obese high-schoolers to slam into you."

"The mosh pit wasn't that bad," Rachel scolded.

"_You_ wouldn't know."

"Have you demorphed?" I asked Tobias pointedly. I had no idea how long he had been in human morph.

He nodded. "I'm good. Back to being nearly-blind and halfway-deaf."

"What about you? Where did you demorph?" I asked, turning my attention to Rachel.

"Second floor supply closet. There are stairs in the room behind the stage. And you wouldn't guess what else is in it, too." Her face darkened. "A portable Kandrona pool."

"No way."

"Yes way. Definitely yes way. Picture this: lots of big, beefy guys, supposedly "security guards" for the band. They let maybe five or so kids into the room when Eight-Car Pileup is done playing. You've got the security guards to hold down the kids when they start to struggle, and just like that, they become controllers. They leave the room with autographs and whatever, and the next kids come in. Wash, rinse, repeat."

"Okay," I said. "We've just got to figure out a way to make sure that no one goes in that room."

Marco snorted. "Puh-lease. I know you're not into the music scene, Cassie, but Eight-Car Pileup are like local legends. And everyone goes crazy when anyone even _close_ to a celebrity comes into town. There's no way that you're going to stop anyone from going in that room."

"Unless you blow it up," Rachel added.

Marco grinned appreciatively. "Why am I not surprised that you said that?"

"You know you missed it."

"Wait," Tobias said thoughtfully. "She's got a point."

Before Marco could say anything, I jumped in. "She does. We can get rid of the middle-man. We won't even have to hurt any of the people in the room, as long as we can make it so that there's no room for them to work with."

"But how do we do that?" Rachel wondered.

We were quiet for a moment, thinking, and then Marco laughed. "Oh man. Come on, guys. What's the one thing that stops everything, no questions asked?"

"Just tell us, Marco, we don't have the time," Rachel said testily.

He laughed again and started to raise his hands up in the air as he sang. "The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!"

"Fire?" Rachel asked, puzzled. "How do we start a fire without getting arrested for arson?"

"_We _don't," I said, catching on. "We can't start a fire. But if a fire were to _start_…"

"How do we get a fire to start without being the ones to set it?"

"Anyone been outside?" Marco asked. "Seen the lanterns?"

"They're lit with candles," Rachel said slowly. "So if a lantern happened to fall…"

"Then they couldn't blame anyone," I finished. "But the only way that a lantern would be brought inside would be…?"

"If the electricity went off in the school," Marco finished the sentence this time. He turned to me. "You said you had Erek helping you?"

"Yeah," I said, the plan shaping up in my mind. "But we have to make sure that the people in the room behind the stage get out safely."

"They'll have plenty of time," Rachel assured me. "There's an emergency exit in that back room. And I have my cell phone; I'll call 911 a few minutes after we get the take out the lights. Plus, the school has a sprinkler system." She wrinkled her nose after thinking about what she said. "Never mind. This school is ancient; I bet the sprinklers don't even work."

"Oh my God," The full impact of what we were about to do suddenly hit me. "Are we seriously going to set the school on fire?"

"Lose a school or lose your freedom," Tobias said solemnly. "Lesser evil."

"Evil?" Marco snorted. "Are you kidding me? This is like a dream come true!"

"Okay," I nodded. "Okay. So we need someone to actually bring the lantern inside-"

"That'd be me," Tobias volunteered. "I'm the only one who doesn't go to the school; they can't get me in trouble even if they try."

"Okay. And Rachel, can you get to Erek and make sure the electricity goes out?"

"Of course."

"Marco. You're with me."

He smirked, and I groaned internally. I had set myself up for this one. "I thought you were with Austin."

"Who's Austin?" Rachel pounced on the opportunity. "Is he the guy she was hanging out with?"

"They were doing a little more than 'hanging out'," Marco said smugly.

Tobias winced. Rachel looked torn between disapproval and support. "Really? I mean, wait…what about Jake?"

I cut her off, unwilling to have to deal with this now. "Austin's a controller, all right?" That wiped the smirk right off of Marco's face. "So it doesn't matter anyway. I kissed him as a distraction."

Rachel looked ready to ask just _why_ I had been kissing him if he was a controller anyway and I could tell that Marco wanted to say something about my apparently new method of distracting people, but I wasn't ready to deal with either question.

Tobias winced again. "Uh, about that…"

"About what?" I asked, not liking the tone of his voice.

"He's not a controller, Cassie."

At first I thought I heard wrong. But the expression on Tobias' face told me that yes, I had heard him correctly. "_What?_" I spluttered. "I thought…but you said…you _lied_ to me?"

"For your own good," He said gently. "You like the guy, Cassie, it's obvious. If you hadn't thought he was a controller, there was no way that you would have been able to focus tonight. You would have been worried about leaving him there by himself. It was for your own good." He paused for a second, then added, "You know I'm right."

I didn't know what to say. On the one hand, I wanted to kick him for lying to me and putting me through all that stress of thinking that Austin was a controller. On the other hand, I wanted to hug him for saving me from all the stress that would have come with knowing that Austin wasn't a controller. And on the third, nonexistent, hand, I wanted to yell at him for confessing this _now_, when we were so short on time.

"Good call," Marco said admiringly to Tobias. "But not the best time to break it to her, Bird-boy."

Hearing Marco call Tobias "Bird-boy" wasn't funny. It wasn't particularly kind of him, and it wasn't any attempt on Marco's part to make us feel united. But against all odds, it did just that: it reminded us of the days when we were a team, and then it reminded us that we _were_ a team.

"Okay, well," I started, wishing I had something a little bit more inspiring to say. "Let's go and try and make sure that we can get this thing done and that everything goes right and all."

Rachel rolled her eyes, Tobias coughed, and Marco all-out snickered. "Leave the gung-ho statements to me, okay Cassie?" Rachel reprimanded.

"Right," I said. "But really guys, let's go."

Ten minutes later, I couldn't see any of them. If everything was going according to plan, Tobias was loitering outside of the front of the school. Rachel should have been with Erek, hopefully getting him to help us take out the electricity. And Marco was in the hallway. He had stolen some signs from the supply closet and it was his job to get everyone to believe that the bathrooms were closed temporarily, thereby ensuring that no one, or at least as few people as possible, would be in the hallway. If anyone could pull it off, it was Marco.

I was trying to avoid Austin and protect him at the same time. Now that I knew that he _wasn't _a Controller, I wanted to make sure that he wasn't near Eight-Car Pileup at all. If the plan went wrong, I didn't want even the slightest chance of him being infested.

The only problem was that I was still completely embarrassed from kissing him, and unbelievably on edge, hoping against hope that everything would go perfectly.

_And_ I had no idea where Jake was, or if he was planning any sort of solo effort against the Yeerks.

I had no control over anything; everything was in the hands of the other guys. And yet I felt like I was the most worried out of any of them.

Eight-Car Pileup was still playing, and despite myself, I was tapping my foot. They may have been Yeerks, but they were Yeerks who knew how to play good music.

"Cassie?" I knew that voice. I closed my eyes, sighed, and spun around to face Austin.

"Sorry," He said immediately, and I had no idea what he was apologizing for. "You told me to stay in the same spot. But I had to go to the bathroom, and by the time I came back someone else was in it." He smiled, both nervously and sheepishly.

"Austin," I started, stepping closer to him. "I'm sorry about Marco. That guy, I mean. And I'm sorry abou-"

"Don't be," He interrupted, saving me the embarrassment. "I mean, unless you didn't like-"

"No, I liked-"

"Me too," He interrupted again, and then he looked as mortified as I felt about admitting it. This was one of the most awkward conversations I had ever been in.

"Okay then," I said, trying to ignore how my cheeks were heating up and how I was being way too self-conscious to have the cool and casual demeanor that I wanted to be projecting. "Maybe we could-"

"Talk later?"

"Yeah, about-"

"Eight-Car! Eight-Car!" The audience suddenly started chanting. They were no longer moshing, but everyone was screaming and jumping and going completely crazy over the band, who appeared to have finished their set.

"All right," The lead singer said into the mike. He was practically dripping with sweat, but he tossed some girl a sly smile and she nearly hyperventilated. "We'll play one last song for you guys, and then we're looking forward to meeting some of you afterwards. Ready? One, two..." And he launched into some sort of guitar solo that was followed immediately by a loud crash on drums and a loud, loud, bass.

Austin looked caught between continuing the most uncomfortable talk ever with me and rocking out with the rest of the crowd. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Rachel and Erek chose that exact moment to make the decision easy for him. With a _bzzp_, the electricity went out.

"Oh my God, the lights are out!" I heard a male voice scream. It took me a moment to realize it was Marco, and then I rolled my eyes. But if he was yelling it from inside, at least it meant that no one was in the hallway. Hopefully.

Suddenly, everything went _crazy._ The band mates started yelling at each other, kids started shouting about what was going on, and teacher-chaperones were yelling for everyone to _calm down. _Austin grabbed my hand in the pitch-black darkness and asked if I was okay.

"I'm fine!" I shouted back, looking around frantically for a boy with a lantern. Where was Tobias? This was his cue—had the electricity not gone out outside, too?

_Come on, Tobias_, I thought anxiously, right before I thought, _Austin's hand is really nice to hold._

The door to the outside opened, and I saw someone slip in, carrying something with a fleck of light in it. I grinned. Tobias.

It was so dark that it was hard for me to really see him, so I kept my eyes trained on the lantern and watched as it got closer and closer to the door that led to the room behind the stage—the room where the portable Kandrona pool was.

As I squinted, I saw the lantern jerk as though jostled, and I watched with a crazy grin as it fell, as if in slow-motion.

It was falling, falling, falling…and then it crashed against the ground, and I cringed involuntarily and closed my eyes, expecting to see flames when I opened them again.

But I didn't. All I saw was the same darkness that had been present before. And that was when I knew that something had gone wrong.


	16. Section 16: Resolutions

_Disclaimer: In addition to not owning Animorphs, I also do not own Starbucks, Scrubs, The Coca-Cola Company, Frito-Lay__, or any other business/corporation/product that I have made or will make a reference to, however slight. But you already knew that, anyway. _

* * *

"Oh, no," I said out loud. "Oh no oh no oh no."

"Don't worry, Cassie, I'm sure they'll get the lights back on in a moment," Austin assured me, unaware that his words weren't making me feel better.

"What could have happened?" I asked, attempting to run through possibilities in my mind. I found none. "What happened?"

"Um…the electricity went out?" Austin suggested.

I needed to stop thinking out loud. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate amidst the darkness and the confusion. Not a single thought, not a single idea or plan or _anything_ came to mind. I was no leader; this wasn't my thing. I couldn't handle being in charge and leading everyone when things were messed up and I didn't know how to fix them.

"Whoa," Austin breathed. "Fire."

"What?" My eyes flew open. "There's no fire." That was kind of the point.

"No, there is," He said, and lifted the hand holding mine to gesture towards the door by the stage. "Fire!" He shouted. "Fire!"

And there was. Against all reason and what I was certain I had seen before, there were flames beginning to lick at the base of the door.

In school, you always practice fire drills. The teachers make everyone line up, single file, and you walk very quickly and quietly outside. The idea is to get everyone out as swiftly as possible, in the most orderly fashion possible.

This was the opposite of all of those drills.

Complete mayhem. The fire alarm went off, screeching so loudly that my ears hurt. Suddenly people were screaming and yelling and everyone was running towards the doors, trying to get out without getting trampled. I didn't know whether to laugh or to stop and stare in amazement. Austin made the decision for me.

"Come on, Cassie!" he shouted near my ear. "We've gotta get out!"

"This way!" I told him, pulling him along with me. We joined the mass of kids streaming out of the doors, some plugging their ears so as to avoid the shriek of the alarm. The teachers had given up trying to maintain any sort of order and were instead trying to herd us out, doing their best to get everyone to move faster.

And the flames grew. I hoped that Rachel had called 911 like she said she would, because the wall by the stage was seriously on fire. Since the room at the back shared the same wall, it was almost assured that it was on fire as well. Briefly, I wondered if the liquid in Kandrona pools was flammable.

Once Austin and I had gotten through the doors and had followed the crowd to a safe distance away from the school, I let go of his hand and turned to look behind me.

"Oh, my God," I said quietly. "The school's on fire."

"Yeah," Austin said, disbelief written all over his face.

It was terrible, but it was also hilarious, in a sick-to-my-stomach sort of way. The flames had spread perfectly to the room behind the stage, as if it had known its role in our plans. I hardly had time to wonder if it had been just a little bit _too _perfect before I had to move over to make room for more people. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Jake's brown hair and let out a sigh of relief that I hadn't realized I'd been holding in.

We heard sirens in the distance, the sound combining with the fire alarm to make my ears ring even _more. _The entire crowd of people turned around to see a fire truck, followed by a police car, swerve around the corner and into the school parking lot. The policemen were shouting orders for everyone to calm down and stay back, and the firemen were already out, hooking up their hose to the fire hydrant and beginning to extinguish the flames.

I was pleased to see the members of the band in the crowd, appearing to be talking quietly with each other and with the burly security men that Rachel had mentioned. _Yeah_, I wanted to say, _no infestations tonight. _I couldn't see Rachel or Tobias, but I caught Marco's eye in the crowd. He shook his head in amazement, as if he couldn't believe this was happening, and I gestured helplessly in return. I couldn't believe it either, but it looked like we had done it.

Beside me, Austin took my hand again gingerly, and by the illumination of the streetlights behind us and the dying fire in front of us, we kissed again.

"No one was hurt in the fire, although a great amount of damage was inflicted upon one area of the school." The camera scanned slowly over the charred remains of the stage and the room that nearly connected to it. "However, city council members say that soon investigations will be made regarding what began the fire and why the school's sprinkler system did not go off."

I muted the television.

"What I still don't get is who actually started the fire," I said as I sat down on the couch next to Rachel.

"What are you talking about?" Rachel asked, frowning. She crossed her legs and sat Indian-style against the pillows. "It was Tobias."

"No, it wasn't," I shook my head. "I was watching him. He dropped the lantern, but it didn't start any fire. The candle just…went out."

"But it had to be Tobias," Rachel argued. "Who else would have started it? I was with Erek the whole time, you were with Ashton."

"_Austin_."

"Unless it was Marco, there's no one else who it could've been." As she finished speaking, the doorbell to her house rang. "That's probably Marco," She pointed out. "We can ask him about it."

She got up to open the front door, and Marco walked in. He tossed a bag of chips in Rachel's direction before coming over to sit down on one of Rachel's big armchairs. "Have you guys seen the news? They keep showing the same story on replay."

Rachel smirked. "Yeah, we were just watching it. Looks like we're famous." She threw the chips back at Marco and got up to get some drinks from the kitchen.

Marco shook his head. "We had better hope that we're not. Getting arrested for arson is _not_ on my to-do list." He stretched out on the chair, opened the bag, and crunched loudly on some Ruffles.

"Hey, Marco," I asked. "Was it you who started the fire yesterday?"

"What are you talking about?" He replied, giving me a _duh-it's-obvious _look. "It was Tobias; that was the plan."

"I don't think it was him," I said.

He shrugged. "Okay then. Wait and ask him when he comes. Hey, Rachel, did you leave a window open for him to fly in?"

Rachel didn't answer, which meant that she either really couldn't hear him or was just pretending that she couldn't. I suspected that it was the latter. I had a feeling that Tobias and Rachel were trying to work something out, and in Tobias' case it seemed like part of that might be by him being human more often.

The doorbell rang again, and Rachel shouted, "Cassie, could you get that?"

I got up from my seat and headed for the door. I unlocked it and swung it open to reveal Tobias, dressed in some of the normal clothes that I assumed Rachel had gotten for him (why else would he look like a walking advertisement for the mall?). "I brought a guest," He said, face as vacant as it usually was when he morphed human. "Hope that's okay."

From behind him, Ax stepped out, in human morph. "Ax!" I exclaimed as I hugged him. He stiffened immediately, and then forcibly relaxed. "Hello, Cassie. See. See."

Marco must have heard Ax's voice, because he came up behind me. "Ax-man! Long time no see." He lifted a hand up for a high five, and Ax stared at it blankly.

"Yes, Marco," He said, clearly still puzzled by Marco's hand. "It has been a long time since our last gathering."

Rachel came out of the kitchen, carrying some Cokes and Sprites. "Hey, Ax," she said casually, as if he came over to her house in human morph all the time. She nodded at Tobias, grinning, and I pretended not to notice that a rare smile had appeared on Tobias' face. She set the sodas on the table and gestured toward them as she spoke to Ax. "Drink?"

Ax's eyes lit up, and he started straight for the beverages. But then he stopped, and turned so that he was facing all of us. "I owe each of you an apology," He said in a tone that implied that he had rehearsed the words. "I have failed in my duties as an _aristh. _Rather than owning up to my own mistakes, I instead behaved as would a coward. I ask that-"

"Ax," Marco interrupted. "Chill, man. It's cool."

Ax refused to be deterred. "Marco, I feel that it is necessary to make amends for my behavior." He took a deep breath and resumed his bit from before. "I ask that-"

"Ax," Rachel said. "Stop. There's no one to apologize to. We all screwed up." She cast me a sideways glance. "Except for maybe Cassie."

I shook my head, reflecting on the days I spent pretending like I didn't have any responsibility, the weeks I spent trying to live in idealistic solipsism. "No," I told her. "I messed up just as badly as anyone else."

"I guess we just move on from here," Tobias said from the door. He closed and locked it before facing us.

"Pretend like it never happened?" Rachel suggested.

"No," I told her. "I can't do that. We're stronger because of it." Cheesy, but I knew that it was true.

Marco laughed, breaking the grave mood of the room. "Come on, guys. We just shut down a Yeerk operation. Let's forget all the serious stuff for one afternoon."

"Yeerk operation? Shun? I do not-tuh understand. And-duh," Ax said, puzzled.

So we told him the story. We didn't start from the very beginning, because none of us really knew where the beginning was. But we started from the beginning of the concert, because all of us had been there for that part. We told him about the bands, and the plan that Rachel, Tobias, and I had when we came in. We had to take a break to stop him from biting the can of Coke, but as soon as that was taken care of, we told him everything else, too, starting with teaming back up with Marco and ending with the fire. The one thing we didn't mention was Austin, but that was because I would cut off anyone who even seemed like they were going to bring up his name, and not just because I didn't want to hear what they would say. For some reason, I didn't feel like talking about Austin at all.

"There is one think I still do not understand-duh," Ax said when we had finished. "Where was Prince, ince, Jake?"

We all looked at one another, no one wanting to answer.

"Good question," Marco said finally. And that was it.

We spent another hour just watching TV and talking, falling back into our rhythm as a group. Sometime after Marco had left and before Ax and Tobias were preparing to go, I pulled Tobias aside.

"Hey," I asked him. "Where did you find him?" I tilted my head towards Ax, who was listening to Rachel defend the "primitive fire alarm system humans employ".

He shook his head. "I didn't find him. He found me." He paused for a second and I had a feeling there was more to the story than just that. He started speaking again before I could press the issue. "Look, I'm sorry for lying to you about the whole Austin thing. Really."

"It's okay," I said simply. And it was. Because to lie to someone about something like that shows that you've tried to get in their head, even if it's just a little bit. It shows that you've had their interests in your mind. And after spending so long feeling like I only had one friend in the world, I was okay with returning to a position where people cared enough about me to feel like they had the right to make certain decisions for me. In fact, I was more than okay with it; I was…happy.


	17. The End: ending

**If you wish to simply read the chapter, skip this section.**

**AN:** Some thanks are in order. They go out, first and foremost, to everyone who reviewed. You guys know it already, but reviews can encourage an author like little else. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And a few notes to a few of you…**Double G**, thank you for the encouragement that ultimately triggered these last few chapters. **Estrid2006**, thank you for the sheer number of times you reviewed. **Oedipal Kat**,** animorph19** and **SouthrnBelle**—you guys stuck around for a year or more, and that dedication means more than I can say in just a measly sentence, but in any case, thank you all. And SouthrnBelle, you already know that this story wouldn't have been finished at all without your prompting. **Jeffrey** and** Korean Pearl**, you guys have been around since the beginning, sticking through with this story even when I had given up. And KP, thanks extra for listening to me whine about it and for all your help, everywhere.

On a little bit of a different note, the goal for this story was for it to be a "lost book" of sorts—as in, it could fit in between two books in the series. Simultaneously, it was supposed to help show how Cassie changes (even while still maintaining her moral code) into the no-nonsense, more direct character that she becomes towards the end of the series. Whether you like Cassie or not (and I didn't before I wrote this), I hope that this at least accomplished that.

Well, this is it. It took a long time, and I re-wrote this chapter at least three times, but it's finished. I think I'm pretty much done with Animorphs fanfics after this, so thanks again to everyone for sticking around. I'd appreciate your reviews over the whole story; still, the fact that you're reading it is already more than I ever expected.

* * *

"So…we're breaking up." Austin said, his voice steady. After over an hour of small talk, I had finally managed to confess the reason for our meeting. 

"No," I corrected. "Not breaking up, because we're not really together."

"So we're apart? Even though I'm sitting right beside you?" He was grinning at me with that smile that was about to make _me_ laugh, and that wouldn't be right, because this was supposed to be serious.

"You're really ruining the mood," I told him. I looked down into my cup of orange juice. "And I don't know why we're here. This isn't the kind of setting I was envisioning for this sort of conversation." "Here" meant IHOP, but I was stalling. I didn't want to go through with this.

Austin shrugged. "You said I could pick where we ate. I like eating breakfast for lunch."

"Isn't that just called brunch?"

"Not if you're eating it at three in the afternoon." He stabbed at a piece of bacon on his plate, but he didn't look like he wanted to eat it. "Okay, let's get back on track. You were breaking up with me."

"Not breaking up, becau-"

"We're not even together; I know, I know," Austin interrupted. Suddenly, the smile slid off his face and he looked at me dead-on. "Cassie, I'm sorry. I joke around about things that make me uncomfortable."

"That's a defense mechanism," I blurted out. He was like Marco, kind of.

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I know. But I kinda need it right now." He casually cut off a piece of his waffle and stuffed it into his mouth, avoiding eye contact.

I looked down again. "I'm sorry," I began, "that I can't go out with you. I really, really am."

"Why can't you?"

"I'm not ready for a relationship." It was the line I had spent all morning rehearsing. It still came out sounding insincere, melodramatic, and like it was from a bad soap opera.

"What happened yesterday?" He asked abruptly. "Because I mean, two days ago, we were at the concert and everything was fine. And then we didn't talk yesterday, and now you're 'not ready for a relationship.'" He still refused to look at me. "Seriously, Cassie, what happened?"

It was a good question. In fact, it was a _very _good question.

Two things had happened yesterday. The first had been when I had gone over to Rachel's house, along with Marco, Ax, and Tobias. Because after I had left, I had realized just what I had done by facilitating the regrouping of the Animorphs: I had willingly decided to put my responsibility ahead of my personal feelings. That was what it came down to.

And the problem, the really annoying problem that I had tried to ignore for as long as possible even though I _knew_ that I would have to deal with it sooner or later, was that Austin fit into the category of "personal feelings." And if I was going to be back with the Animorphs, I would always have to put things before my feelings. Being an Animorph would always come before being his girlfriend. And the biggest proof of that was that Austin and I had only been able to hang out, to spend time together, because the Animorphs and I had disbanded. And now that we were back, there was no way that I would be able to devote the right amount of time to him.

The truth was that Austin didn't need to be with someone who would treat him with less than what he deserved.

The truth was that I would never have enough time for him.

The truth was that the truth sucked.

So that had been the first thing that happened. But there had been something else, too.

"My dad called," I told Austin.

"Your dad?" He looked up at me. "Didn't you say once that he—"

"Yeah," I cut him off. "He's not moving anymore. Well, he is, but…he's moving back in with us."

Austin's face lit up in genuine happiness for me. "Cassie, that's great!"

I nodded and couldn't help but smile a little. "Yeah—turns out my mom had been trying to tell me that they had talked, but I was the one who wouldn't listen to her." Not wouldn't listen. Wouldn't _let _myself listen. "But I mean, things are going to be awkward, you know? He and my mom have stuff to work out. And I kind of wanna be there to help. Like, if I can help around the house, maybe my mom won't be so stressed out when he comes home. And if I can make dinner, then maybe they won't argue about whose turn it is."

Austin nodded slowly and looked at me, like he was looking through me. Austin was smart, and I think that he knew that there was more to it than that. He knew that it wasn't just about my parents.

But like I said, Austin was smart. He also knew when to give up.

"Okay," he said. "Just one more question."

I nodded and waited.

He grinned, but it was empty. "Can I have your hash browns?"

I frowned. "Not funny," I told him. "I'm trying to be serious."

"Defense mechanism," He reminded me. And then his voice dropped, and it sounded like he was pleading. "Come on, Cassie, what do you want me to say?"

I wantedhim to yell at me. I wanted him to storm away, to accuse me of leading him on and using him, to say that I never meant anything to him at all and that I was a horrible friend, a horrible, selfish, person. I wanted that because maybe it could make me angry with him, or make me feel justified in some twisted way, or at least it could make my guilt go away.

He didn't do any of that. Of course he didn't; that was partly why I liked him.

"I guess that's it," He said. He leaned back in his chair and looked somewhere over my shoulder.

"We can still be-"

"Don't say it," He interrupted. "Don't worry about it. I understand, everything's cool."

"Really?"

"No," He answered me, and he looked so _hurt_ in that moment that I felt like the worst person in the world. "But what can I do?"

When you do what's right, you expect to immediately see some benefits from it. Even if it's not you, _someone_ is at least supposed to be happy. But in this situation, I was just as upset as Austin. The right thing was supposed to _feel_ right. I wasn't supposed to feel like crap.

"Let's go pay," He said. "It looks like we're done." And the way that he said it, I knew he wasn't just talking about the food.

* * *

When I got home, I didn't go into my house. I sat outside, right beside the driveway that led up to my barn. My mind was buzzing with so many thoughts that I didn't feel like heading in and having to talk to my mom yet, even though the sky was beginning to get cloudy. 

The thing about life, I was realizing, was that it was always a trade-off. You couldn't ever have it all. It was the Animorphs or Austin—there was never any possibility of it being an "and." And with everything I did, it felt like I was cheating out on doing something else. By spending time talking to my mom, I was losing time that I could have spent with my dad, and vice versa.

So was it all just about priorities, and worth? About figuring out what was more important on the totem pole of _time_, and in the end, what fell at the bottom? Was it all about what I was willing to sacrifice?

The Animorphs and I—no, the Animorphs,_ including_ me—were sacrificing our lives for the sake of a world of people who didn't even know that we were fighting for them. All they saw was a cool concert and what might have been a completely burned-down school.

For a split second, I wondered if I had made the right choice. I couldn't help but take a moment to focus on what could have been—a nice, normal, relationship with a guy who I liked spending time with. A life where my biggest problem was when I was going to find time to do my homework.

But I'd had my stint with "normalcy." I stretched my legs out on the driveway and remembered what it had been like after the Animorphs had split apart, after I had told Erek that I was through. I hadn't been happy—just anxious, guilty, and alone.

And there was something about the last thing, the part about being alone that got to me the most. I had missed my friends. It had been lonely, doing things on my own. Everything inside of me and all of my past experiences told me that it was better not to be alone.

And then I laughed out loud. Because here I was, sitting on my driveway in the almost-rain. I had just "broken up" with my sort-of-kind-of-could-have-been boyfriend. Despite everything, wasn't I alone, in the end?

It was at that moment, as if on cue, that I heard footsteps.

I looked up and saw a figure heading towards me. What surprised me wasn't who it was, but rather that I _wasn't_ surprised by who it was. Really, though, who else could it have been?

"Hey, Cassie," Jake said quietly, dropping down to sit beside me on the curb. He noticed my face and his changed to one of concern. "Are you okay?"

"No," I answered promptly. You would think, that after so long of not talking to him, that I might have more to say. But after everything, I was too tired to really care.

But not too tired to be glad that he had even asked.

"Is there…" He faltered and then spoke up again. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

I wanted to laugh. "Jake, I think you were the cause of my problems," I told him.

He bit his lip. "I guess I deserved that one."

I didn't reply, and for a long time we were both silent. I looked up at the sky. More clouds were gathering; it was going to rain.

It was Jake who eventually spoke again. "I talked to Marco." He turned his face sideways to look at me, but I didn't change my gaze from the darkening sky. "He told me all about what happened at the concert."

I wondered just how much Marco had told him.

"Why didn't you join us?" I asked, the question suddenly occurring to me. Maybe I _did_ have something to say. I turned to look at him, and I wasn't sure why. "Marco did. Rachel did. Even Ax did, yesterday. Why couldn't you?"

He didn't meet my angry gaze. "Pride," He said softly. "Fear. Stupidity." He stopped briefly, and then said tentatively, "I guess I thought that you guys were fine without me."

"We were," I told him. I was being rude and I knew it.

"I know," He said truthfully. "_You_ were fine without me. You got everyone back together, Cassie. You assembled the team, came up with a plan, pulled it off without wasting any time, and you managed to do the whole thing without getting anyone hurt at all. _And_ without even morphing much." There was a note of a little more than admiration in his voice.

"You were at the concert," I said, not sure what I was trying to say.

"Yeah. Setting the school on fire? Nice touch."

"It wasn't like we had much of a choice," I started, and then I stopped. Of course. Of course, of course, of course. It had been obvious. "You were the one who started the fire," I told him. Statement, not a question.

Jake didn't say anything. He said, very carefully, "I didn't start any fire."

"Don't give me that," I told him. One thing that Jake and I had always had with each other was that we were honest. Even after everything, I didn't want to lose that. "You may not have _started_ it, but you helped it. Of course you did." I shook my head in…I don't know what, in unsurprised disbelief but complete certainty because it was _Jake._

"How'd you do it? How did you know?" I asked him.

Jake sighed and looked like he was contemplating whether or not he wanted to answer. When he finally did, he only said, "Alcohol."

"What?"

"You can't have any concert without someone wanting to spike the drinks. Tobias dropped a lantern, but he didn't have anything to spark the fire, to get it going. All I did was find the kids with the alcohol, get some napkins, and give the candle a little help."

I breathed in deeply, inhaling the smell of the air. Right before it rains, the air always has a distinct smell to it. "Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you tell us?"

He looked away again, out into the rain clouds. "I wasn't kidding when I said you didn't need my help, Cassie."

"I'm not going to beg you to come back," I told Jake frankly. "But things won't be the same if you're not there. And I think you proved that you can't stay away from it."

"Will anyone let me come back?"

"People screw up. We all did. There's such a thing as a second chance."

Jake didn't reply for a while. "Will _you_ let me?" He asked quietly. I got the feeling that we weren't talking about fighting aliens anymore, and I had a notion that I knew why.

"You saw Austin and me."

He shrugged, refusing to make eye contact.

I sighed. "We broke up. If you could even say that we were together in the first place."

Jake waited for me to continue. He could tell that there was more.

"I really liked him," I said, even though I knew it wasn't what Jake wanted to hear. "I still like him. I'm not sure if I did the right thing, breaking it off with him." I paused. "I don't want another…relationship. Not right now." As if to accentuate what I had said, we heard thunder boom.

"How about a friend?" He asked.

"How about a leader?" I countered.

His lips quirked upwards in the barest trace of a smile. I had always liked the way Jake smiled. "How about both?" As he finished speaking, I felt a raindrop splat against my arm. After a moment, another hit my head. It was going to start pouring soon.

I had always felt that there was something redemptive in rain, something that said that maybe it was okay to start over again.

"There's such a thing as a second chance," Jake reminded me after I didn't respond. He finally lifted his eyes to meet mine squarely. They didn't look as tired as they had the last time I had looked in them, but maybe it was just me.

"Okay," I said simply, and that was enough. It was perfect timing, for as I finished speaking, the rain began to pour down. Jake stood up to go, but I stopped him.

"Stay for dinner," I said. "My mom's missed seeing you around." Code for _I've missed seeing you, _but he didn't know that.

He grinned, a real smile. "I've missed her, too." Maybe he did know.

As we stood side-by-side, I thought about the last time it had rained—when we had split up, when our team had ended and broken apart. I felt like in the time between then and now, things had changed. But what did that mean, anyway? "Things had changed" didn't say anything about how I had lost and found companionship over and over again. It didn't say anything about how I had lost and found myself over and over again. It didn't say anything about teamwork or betrayals or second chances or movies or parents or almost-boyfriends or concerts or alien slugs or renewed relationships or fires or lies or truths or endings.

I guess it said just enough.

And what was that really annoying and really cheesy statement that my mom used to say when I was a kid?

"You can't have a beginning unless you've had an ending," I said under my breath. Yeah, that was it. I rolled my eyes and laughed. There's something to be said for being able to laugh when you're not happy. When you're not happy, but you're content.

"What's funny?" Jake asked.

"Nothing," I told him. "Let's go." And we did.

_Someday, they'll talk about us. Someday, people will know all that we did to save the world. And when they know, they'll ask about us, about how we managed to stay together as a team throughout the entire thing. _

_We won't tell them they truth—that we didn't. We'll let them have their own version of our story. But for those who wish to look, here it is: the complete story of our ending. Within it lies the complete story of our second beginning. And though some will prefer to pretend like it never happened, I still maintain that we became who we were because of it. It made us stronger. _

_I wish you all the best of luck. _

_Cassie _


End file.
